Lesson of the day: Be honest with yourself

Hi all - bit of an update.

I broke up with a long term boyfriend last last monday - so i had expected that this would have been a time for me to get depressed and eat lots and get fat. But actually, since my decision a few months ago - it was a lot easier to continue eating normally, and go out and see friends (almost every night this week, for the last 2 weeks!)

Well i went out again last night. Had pizza AGAIN. And my old dieting nerves started to jitter a bit - the ones that say, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it. But I was quite hungry, so that made me feel better, and i ate two small pieces and felt stuffed. and then couldn't think about food again for the rest of the night and was happily sprawled on the floor (at a friend's house!) having shits and giggles with my uni mates.

Anyway, i woke up this morning feeling a bit strange. I can't describe it - but i think i'm feeling a slight paranoia about the whole: "eating when you are hungry, and stopping when you are full thing, and exactly what you are craving". BEcause whilst i've been doing that, compared to my normal eating habits - the foods haven't been that healthy. I mean, sure enough - none of the pizza's i've eaten were domino's (they were all home made - but the ones last night weren't dressed with tomato paste, but a delicious olive oil/chilli/salt blend, so oilier than i'm used to). And i guess i have't gorged on chocolate or chips or biscuits or anything of the sort (i've eaten them, but never wanted more than a few bits - really really bizarre for me... very very proud :) ). I guess i'm still getting paranoid about eating too highly processed foods in case that won't help tell my body to get out of starvation mode and make me still pile on the pounds. Maybe it's just because i don't feel like I've had enough vegetables over the last bit... but i guess we can only find out how this works with time - if i've gone over 70 kilograms by next week, then obviously i went a bit overboard on the processed food. But in all honesty, when i look at what i've eaten - i think i'll be okay.

SIgh i feel so relieved having said all that - writing it down makes it look so much more logical.

oooh! PS: I just was craving chocolate, and i broke off some for mum and i. I was going to only have 2 squares - but then i thought, nah i actually do want more than that - so i took four. We put the chocolate away, and i walked away. By the time i got to my room, it was obviously gone. But in all frank and open honesty... i didn't want more! I knew if i had only had two - that that wouldn't have satisfied me. But four squares isn't much more - and i was entirely honest with myself, and knew that giving myself those two bits extra that would make me forget about it, rather than going down in 20 minutes and eating the block. Now THAT is how to stop a chocolate binge before it comes in. :)

take care all,

Love Nikki