Hi guys,
Sorry I've been a bit AWOL for a while - life fell on top of me a bit, I lost my beloved Mieke (Irish Setter) of 14 years (a huge ray of sunshine in my life!) and then my grandma a few weeks later. Then uni got more hectic. And i wallowed in despair again.
the good news is, that it allowed me to take a break again from 'weight loss'. My weight went up about 2 kilograms, but I'm exactly the same size as before so I can happily and truthfully attribute that to gaining back my normal fluid again. And all this I've done by eating whatever I want, when i want - with (in ALL honesty!) not a single restriction!!! So my metabolism seems to be working quite happily again :). When I feel ready, over the next few months I hope to tackle those last few stubborn 5 kilograms and get to that nice, healthy 60kg that i've been dreaming of since I was last 60 kilograms! But gone are the days of stopping a diet and watching your weight escalate to more than before. Can you believe it??? I surely can't! It's far too good to be true!
With all thats gone on over the last few months, and my depression and social isolation slowly getting worse - I regret to say that I started being more and more absent from uni and my concentration was out the window... and so I had to take the rest of this term off uni. I'm going to be doing this term again next year in summer semester, and using the rest of this term to try a new anti-depressant medication, and eventually get some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy - psychotherapy training me to prevent depression relapse, and positive thinking. It sounds very waffly, but there is good evidence to suggest it can be extremely effective!) to help me out of this - so I can start being (once again) the motivated, enthusiastic med-student that I know is hidden in me somewhere!
Tips that helped me keep the weight off while taking 'weight loss holidays':
- don't think too hard about food or what you are eating or worry too much. If you eat too much, don't punish yourself - allow your body to subconsciously sort it out...!
- still try to get some exercise. Most days I've been trying to get between 8000-10000 steps a day on my pedometer, i just mindlessly put it on in the morning and mindlessly take it off at night as a part of my normal routine. Some days i get only 5000 (bad me!) but others i get 15000 so it works out to have a good average.
- keep up the water intake!
- even if you are bingeing on chips and chocolate, still try to fit in your 5 serves of veg and 2 serves of fruit. Try to get 3 serves of calcium (dairy), and try to keep up your omega-3's (linseeds, salmon/tuna). But whatever you eat outside of that, is up to you! By getting those nutrients in, you're helping your body realise it isn't starving, and help regulate your metabolism (and energy and hunger levels) to burn off extra calories that you may (or may not) be eating!
- a couple of times, yes, i ate well past overfull - but i didn't stress about it, and let my body sort it out by just trying to get on with life (tried to forget about it) and eating when i was hungry later on. But just try not to make yourself really overfull for a few days in a row, if you can, as this will play havoc with your response to insulin and leptin (hormones that give you energy and help burn fat)
Anyway, I Better go clean my very messy room.
Nikki
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Trigger Factors and the Binge 'Prodrome'
Well I remember before how weight-loss programs used to talk about noting your trigger factors, or things that you associate with eating. One very important thing that I've made sure I do this time is work out what are the trigger factors or danger zones that are going to make me prone to overindulging...!
As I've already mentioned, the biggest one is not having eaten enough recently (i.e. when yu are losing weight!) - and that will always be the biggest challenge that you have to face! And there unfortunately isn't much you can do about that one, other than eat a bit more of nourishing foods (without going overboard!). But how you stop yourself from going overboard depends on how you manage the other factors that trigger overindulgence.
A couple that I've previously noted are stress (uni, or even doing too much exercise and not compensating with food!), PMS, and alcohol - those are three big ones for me, that I've had to work to get under control. The stress and PMS i get through by recognising when I am going through them, so that I can counteract it. I will always eat a bit more before TTOM, but there's a difference between a BIT more and a LOT more! Most of the time, the best way to get on top of stress is a nice walk in the fresh air outside - and then I get back and try to deal with the stress (e.g. if its uni, i'll do that assignment!). Alcohol: i set myself a limit of no more than 3 SDs in one night. And i've actually stuck to that pretty well...!
But recently I've just discovered a new trigger factor. Yes, i didn't have a very good day last week :(. But I didn't go back into my old cycles of excessive restriction the next day to force myself to counterract the 'damage', i just kept going on as usual and naturally ate when i was hungry, stopped when i was full. But this trigger factor was LACK OF SLEEP. I had about 1-2 hours of sleep the night before, and i wasn't feeling very well at all. I had a late breakfast, and then came home and passed out on the sofa for a few hours... before i knew it it was 5pm, i was still tired and i was RAVENOUS! Absolutely uncontrolleable hunger! And it hit me when I woke up - i sort of went, "Oh damn, i've gone past the 'safe' zone for eating... I'm now in danger...!" So i whipped up a large tuna salad in the hope that that might do something. But no, it was too late - my body wanted calories, and it wanted them FAST so all it wanted was sweet/fatty/processed foods... sigh, at least they were homemade anzac biscuits (meaning i know they were made with 100% butter as opposed to some funny animal/vegetable fat...!), and I still went for nuts/cheese (though too much of!) in the hope that it might nourish me...! And then, haha, i went straight back to sleep for another 15 hours!!!
So I'm going to watch out for that sleep demon... :P I mean i expected that sleep was very important (lack of sleep --> production of 'cortisol' stress hormone --> hunger, lethargy, etc), but i didn't realise how much of a nasty trigger factor it could be!
So I guess: I can't stress how important it is to KNOW your trigger factors. and to KNOW your binge prodrome: i.e. the set of 'symptoms' you go through just BEFORE you go into a binge period. Knowing the prodrome is the most important tool you can have, as it will help you halt binges before you get to the danger zone (once in danger zone, there is no going back!). If you need to, keep a diary and note your moods/feelings/cravings/relationship-with-food each day - so that when the binges happen you can see the same feelings happening in the few hours before.
:) Nikki
As I've already mentioned, the biggest one is not having eaten enough recently (i.e. when yu are losing weight!) - and that will always be the biggest challenge that you have to face! And there unfortunately isn't much you can do about that one, other than eat a bit more of nourishing foods (without going overboard!). But how you stop yourself from going overboard depends on how you manage the other factors that trigger overindulgence.
A couple that I've previously noted are stress (uni, or even doing too much exercise and not compensating with food!), PMS, and alcohol - those are three big ones for me, that I've had to work to get under control. The stress and PMS i get through by recognising when I am going through them, so that I can counteract it. I will always eat a bit more before TTOM, but there's a difference between a BIT more and a LOT more! Most of the time, the best way to get on top of stress is a nice walk in the fresh air outside - and then I get back and try to deal with the stress (e.g. if its uni, i'll do that assignment!). Alcohol: i set myself a limit of no more than 3 SDs in one night. And i've actually stuck to that pretty well...!
But recently I've just discovered a new trigger factor. Yes, i didn't have a very good day last week :(. But I didn't go back into my old cycles of excessive restriction the next day to force myself to counterract the 'damage', i just kept going on as usual and naturally ate when i was hungry, stopped when i was full. But this trigger factor was LACK OF SLEEP. I had about 1-2 hours of sleep the night before, and i wasn't feeling very well at all. I had a late breakfast, and then came home and passed out on the sofa for a few hours... before i knew it it was 5pm, i was still tired and i was RAVENOUS! Absolutely uncontrolleable hunger! And it hit me when I woke up - i sort of went, "Oh damn, i've gone past the 'safe' zone for eating... I'm now in danger...!" So i whipped up a large tuna salad in the hope that that might do something. But no, it was too late - my body wanted calories, and it wanted them FAST so all it wanted was sweet/fatty/processed foods... sigh, at least they were homemade anzac biscuits (meaning i know they were made with 100% butter as opposed to some funny animal/vegetable fat...!), and I still went for nuts/cheese (though too much of!) in the hope that it might nourish me...! And then, haha, i went straight back to sleep for another 15 hours!!!
So I'm going to watch out for that sleep demon... :P I mean i expected that sleep was very important (lack of sleep --> production of 'cortisol' stress hormone --> hunger, lethargy, etc), but i didn't realise how much of a nasty trigger factor it could be!
So I guess: I can't stress how important it is to KNOW your trigger factors. and to KNOW your binge prodrome: i.e. the set of 'symptoms' you go through just BEFORE you go into a binge period. Knowing the prodrome is the most important tool you can have, as it will help you halt binges before you get to the danger zone (once in danger zone, there is no going back!). If you need to, keep a diary and note your moods/feelings/cravings/relationship-with-food each day - so that when the binges happen you can see the same feelings happening in the few hours before.
:) Nikki
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Now and then...
So I'm going to go back about 5 years and delve into my diet history...
... to help decipher: why has my weight loss been so much easier and more sustainable this time?
While it may because I've learnt so much about how the body regulates fat storage/release and metabolism, learning this has only provided me with the fuel to actually put this information into action...
Fortunately, to aid me in my 'history-delving", i actually have a diary of what i ate when i LAST lost weight, and last got to 65kg (that's right, i am slimmer now than last time!). Here are the things I noticed:
1) EXERCISE
2007: I used to run 45minutes, every morning at 5am, before breakfast. I'd do a 5 minute walk warm up, then jog for 20 minutes, walk uphill for 10 minutes, then sprint the last 5, and walk warm down for 5. On weekends I would have to counteract my binges (which appeared after about 4 months of dieting), by doing 4-5 hour slogs of walking. And I did pilates once or twice a week. And i was tired...
2008: I sleep-in until 6am. I walk everywhere I can: to the train, around uni, up stairs, so that most weekdays I clock up about 10,000 steps of incidental walking (8km). I do pilates (40mins) once a week when i have the energy, and on weekends I go for a walk outside - 1 hour up/down hills, with the occasional jog.
2) FOODS
2007: On 'diet' days - despite always getting the 2 serves fruit & >5 serves veg, my diet consisted of quite a few overly processed foods: I replaced normal cheese with kraft 'Free' singles and low fat cottage cheese. I ate a lot of tuna (never salmon) and tofu, and avoided meats where I could (especially lamb and pork). I ate artificially sweetened yoghurt (Nestle 'No fat') as opposed to reduced-fat plain yoghurt. I avoided nuts, seeds, and oils like the plague (using cooking spray or no oil at all). I used to eat seeded/wholewheat crackers, but instead went for the thinner/lighter Cruskits. I drank a lot of Diet coke (2 x bottles /day), and was always chewing sugarfree gum, mints, and lollies. I tried to eat the bare minimum of carbohydrates like bread, pasta, cereal and rice. I even limited lentils and pulses, afraid that they were too high in carbohydrates. I drunk skim milk instead of low fat milk. I used to bake 'low kilojoule treats' - brownies that replaced the sugar with splenda and the fat with blended prunes, 'almond biscuits' that replaced the almonds with almond flavouring and only used egg whites instead of whole eggs. I ate low joule jelly, 'diet' chocolate mousses/desserts, and drunk sugar-free cordial. I snacked on whole packets of 'fat free' rice crackers, and ate 99% fat free maggi noodles.
This produced a diet very low in fat (~15g/day), low in carbohydrates (~150g/day), and quite high in protein (~100g/day) - and probably at <1000calories/day.
(At binge times: I ate everything in sight, and consumed about 300g fat, 500g carbohydrates. This gave me a daily caloric intake of >4000 calories/day. If you look at my caloric intake over a week, it will be: 500, 700, 800, 4000, 200, 700, 4000, etc etc...!!! - from one extreme to the other - although still the same amount of calories on average as in 2008 (now).
2008: I always get the 2 serves fruit, & >5 serves of vegetables per day. I limit my processed foods to a minimum, except having some sort of 'nut bar' once a day (Sesame snaps, Be Natural bars, Go Natural bars, lately: Artisse Organic Flax seed bars) or a handful of almonds (when I'm home). I eat salmon AND tuna. I cook with generous (though still sensible!) amounts of olive, sunflower and sesame oils. I still don't use margarine or butter on my bread. I eat reduced-fat cheddar cheese, and creamed cottage cheese. If I occasionally eat crackers, they are always wholewheat (and not 'light' or reduced fat - just ordinary seeded crackers!). I eat whole eggs 3-4 times a week. I eat my meats with freedom, (though still don't like greasy cuts of pork or lamb - but I never have!). I drink reduced-fat milk and low-fat (unsweetened, or Attiki's low-sugar yoghurt), and always make sure i get 3-4 serves of dairy in me a day. Now I avoid all artificial sweeteners like the plague (including soft drinks, lollies, jellies etc etc) - if it is artifically sweetened, I will not eat it! I also avoid MSG (to a lesser extent than sweeteners, but I try not to eat much of them!). I eat generous serves of pasta, rice and bread at mealtimes - especially when I am craving them, and don't try to shut my carb-cravings up with sugar-free treats or vegetables. If I eat a 'treat' or 'sometimes'-food - it is always the Real McCoy, I don't see the point in going for a dodgy/diet version of what I'm really craving.
(This produces a diet with moderate amounts of fat ~40-50g/day, ~200g carbs and ~75g protein. My daily caloric intake is ~1500kcal.)
(I don't binge anymore, although my caloric intake does still go in (less-extreme) cycles from day to day: for a few days in a row it will be low at about 1200, then I'll be more hungry and consume 1,500-1,700/day).
3) MEALS
2007: On average, my meals were eaten in the caloric ratio of:
1 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 3 Afternoon tea: 3 Dinner: 1 Dessert
(Despite knowing the benefit of a healthy-sized breakfast, this was a habit I could NOT break and would NOT break - for fear that I would end up ravenous in the afternoon and have consumed all my daily allowance, and thus go over, and 'blow my diet'!)
I used to push my meals back as long as I could, to see if i could last as long as possible without food. I never ate lunch (or snacked after breakfast) before 12am, and dinner was usually at 8/9pm at night. I ate dessert about 1/2 hour before sleeping.
2008: On average, my meals are eaten in the caloric ratio of:
1 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 1 Dinner
(Lunch is usually me grazing over a period of ~4 hours between 11am and 3pm!)
I eat when I'm hungry, even if that means breakfast is at 10am. I try to cook dinner at about 6-7pm, never later. I save dessert from the night before for breakfast the next (usually fruit salad and yoghurt), and go to sleep at least 2 hours after last eating.
4) SOCIAL SITUATIONS
2007: I was afraid of going out, because I knew that there would be unhealthy food there. I was worried that people would judge me for not eating the food they were passing around. I used to eat very little for the day before and the morning of to 'save calories' for that evening (and exercised a great deal), "just in case" - and 'filled up' on water/vegetables/sugar-free foods before hand. I was worried I would crack under pressure and eat everything in sight (which i did!). I was worried that I would drink too much, then crack under pressure and continue drinking more and eat everything in sight (which i did!).
2008: I will admit, I'm still moderately afraid of going out - that I will crack under pressure, and that people will judge me for not eating the food. But now I eat more of the food, so the judgement is less of a problem. I have definately got my drinking under control (never more than 2-3 standard drinks in a night), by realising that if i drink wine/champagne it hits me earlier than if i drink spirits (which take a long time to hit me - several hours! - and are often accompanied by sugary drinks!). Suits me fine cos I don't really like spirits anyway, and I love my wine! I eat normally the day before, and the morning before going out (if anything, I eat more!). If I do eat a little bit too much, then the day after is when I automatically eat less and exercise more - because I'm just not hungry, and my body is fuelled for exercise!
-----------
5) THE RESULT?
2007: 4 months of that, and the cravings (-->binges!) got worse and more and more frequent, and I got more and more tired and lethargic and depressed (the vigorous, painful exercise stopped!) - and the weight piled on in a matter of weeks.
2008: Still going strong: my energy is high, and my cravings are low. And the binges... well, non-existant! If i decide to 'stop' my diet - I'll still be doing my 10,000 steps a day, incidentally. I'm already eating what I want, so how can I 'stop' that?
:) Nikki
... to help decipher: why has my weight loss been so much easier and more sustainable this time?
While it may because I've learnt so much about how the body regulates fat storage/release and metabolism, learning this has only provided me with the fuel to actually put this information into action...
Fortunately, to aid me in my 'history-delving", i actually have a diary of what i ate when i LAST lost weight, and last got to 65kg (that's right, i am slimmer now than last time!). Here are the things I noticed:
1) EXERCISE
2007: I used to run 45minutes, every morning at 5am, before breakfast. I'd do a 5 minute walk warm up, then jog for 20 minutes, walk uphill for 10 minutes, then sprint the last 5, and walk warm down for 5. On weekends I would have to counteract my binges (which appeared after about 4 months of dieting), by doing 4-5 hour slogs of walking. And I did pilates once or twice a week. And i was tired...
2008: I sleep-in until 6am. I walk everywhere I can: to the train, around uni, up stairs, so that most weekdays I clock up about 10,000 steps of incidental walking (8km). I do pilates (40mins) once a week when i have the energy, and on weekends I go for a walk outside - 1 hour up/down hills, with the occasional jog.
2) FOODS
2007: On 'diet' days - despite always getting the 2 serves fruit & >5 serves veg, my diet consisted of quite a few overly processed foods: I replaced normal cheese with kraft 'Free' singles and low fat cottage cheese. I ate a lot of tuna (never salmon) and tofu, and avoided meats where I could (especially lamb and pork). I ate artificially sweetened yoghurt (Nestle 'No fat') as opposed to reduced-fat plain yoghurt. I avoided nuts, seeds, and oils like the plague (using cooking spray or no oil at all). I used to eat seeded/wholewheat crackers, but instead went for the thinner/lighter Cruskits. I drank a lot of Diet coke (2 x bottles /day), and was always chewing sugarfree gum, mints, and lollies. I tried to eat the bare minimum of carbohydrates like bread, pasta, cereal and rice. I even limited lentils and pulses, afraid that they were too high in carbohydrates. I drunk skim milk instead of low fat milk. I used to bake 'low kilojoule treats' - brownies that replaced the sugar with splenda and the fat with blended prunes, 'almond biscuits' that replaced the almonds with almond flavouring and only used egg whites instead of whole eggs. I ate low joule jelly, 'diet' chocolate mousses/desserts, and drunk sugar-free cordial. I snacked on whole packets of 'fat free' rice crackers, and ate 99% fat free maggi noodles.
This produced a diet very low in fat (~15g/day), low in carbohydrates (~150g/day), and quite high in protein (~100g/day) - and probably at <1000calories/day.
(At binge times: I ate everything in sight, and consumed about 300g fat, 500g carbohydrates. This gave me a daily caloric intake of >4000 calories/day. If you look at my caloric intake over a week, it will be: 500, 700, 800, 4000, 200, 700, 4000, etc etc...!!! - from one extreme to the other - although still the same amount of calories on average as in 2008 (now).
2008: I always get the 2 serves fruit, & >5 serves of vegetables per day. I limit my processed foods to a minimum, except having some sort of 'nut bar' once a day (Sesame snaps, Be Natural bars, Go Natural bars, lately: Artisse Organic Flax seed bars) or a handful of almonds (when I'm home). I eat salmon AND tuna. I cook with generous (though still sensible!) amounts of olive, sunflower and sesame oils. I still don't use margarine or butter on my bread. I eat reduced-fat cheddar cheese, and creamed cottage cheese. If I occasionally eat crackers, they are always wholewheat (and not 'light' or reduced fat - just ordinary seeded crackers!). I eat whole eggs 3-4 times a week. I eat my meats with freedom, (though still don't like greasy cuts of pork or lamb - but I never have!). I drink reduced-fat milk and low-fat (unsweetened, or Attiki's low-sugar yoghurt), and always make sure i get 3-4 serves of dairy in me a day. Now I avoid all artificial sweeteners like the plague (including soft drinks, lollies, jellies etc etc) - if it is artifically sweetened, I will not eat it! I also avoid MSG (to a lesser extent than sweeteners, but I try not to eat much of them!). I eat generous serves of pasta, rice and bread at mealtimes - especially when I am craving them, and don't try to shut my carb-cravings up with sugar-free treats or vegetables. If I eat a 'treat' or 'sometimes'-food - it is always the Real McCoy, I don't see the point in going for a dodgy/diet version of what I'm really craving.
(This produces a diet with moderate amounts of fat ~40-50g/day, ~200g carbs and ~75g protein. My daily caloric intake is ~1500kcal.)
(I don't binge anymore, although my caloric intake does still go in (less-extreme) cycles from day to day: for a few days in a row it will be low at about 1200, then I'll be more hungry and consume 1,500-1,700/day).
3) MEALS
2007: On average, my meals were eaten in the caloric ratio of:
1 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 3 Afternoon tea: 3 Dinner: 1 Dessert
(Despite knowing the benefit of a healthy-sized breakfast, this was a habit I could NOT break and would NOT break - for fear that I would end up ravenous in the afternoon and have consumed all my daily allowance, and thus go over, and 'blow my diet'!)
I used to push my meals back as long as I could, to see if i could last as long as possible without food. I never ate lunch (or snacked after breakfast) before 12am, and dinner was usually at 8/9pm at night. I ate dessert about 1/2 hour before sleeping.
2008: On average, my meals are eaten in the caloric ratio of:
1 Breakfast: 2 Lunch: 1 Dinner
(Lunch is usually me grazing over a period of ~4 hours between 11am and 3pm!)
I eat when I'm hungry, even if that means breakfast is at 10am. I try to cook dinner at about 6-7pm, never later. I save dessert from the night before for breakfast the next (usually fruit salad and yoghurt), and go to sleep at least 2 hours after last eating.
4) SOCIAL SITUATIONS
2007: I was afraid of going out, because I knew that there would be unhealthy food there. I was worried that people would judge me for not eating the food they were passing around. I used to eat very little for the day before and the morning of to 'save calories' for that evening (and exercised a great deal), "just in case" - and 'filled up' on water/vegetables/sugar-free foods before hand. I was worried I would crack under pressure and eat everything in sight (which i did!). I was worried that I would drink too much, then crack under pressure and continue drinking more and eat everything in sight (which i did!).
2008: I will admit, I'm still moderately afraid of going out - that I will crack under pressure, and that people will judge me for not eating the food. But now I eat more of the food, so the judgement is less of a problem. I have definately got my drinking under control (never more than 2-3 standard drinks in a night), by realising that if i drink wine/champagne it hits me earlier than if i drink spirits (which take a long time to hit me - several hours! - and are often accompanied by sugary drinks!). Suits me fine cos I don't really like spirits anyway, and I love my wine! I eat normally the day before, and the morning before going out (if anything, I eat more!). If I do eat a little bit too much, then the day after is when I automatically eat less and exercise more - because I'm just not hungry, and my body is fuelled for exercise!
-----------
5) THE RESULT?
2007: 4 months of that, and the cravings (-->binges!) got worse and more and more frequent, and I got more and more tired and lethargic and depressed (the vigorous, painful exercise stopped!) - and the weight piled on in a matter of weeks.
2008: Still going strong: my energy is high, and my cravings are low. And the binges... well, non-existant! If i decide to 'stop' my diet - I'll still be doing my 10,000 steps a day, incidentally. I'm already eating what I want, so how can I 'stop' that?
:) Nikki
Monday, August 25, 2008
The impact of TTOM...
Well TTOM came and went, and with it about 1 kg... so what I read about oestrogen promoting fluid retention seems to be true... you tend to retain fluid (up to 2kg!) for the few days before/during your period, and also for the few days surrounding ovulation.
Of interest also, your metabolism slowly increases for your monthly cycle, starting from the first day of your period - it actually starts to drop back a few days after ovulation (day 16) so that it is lowest the few days before (and during) your period... but that is not necessarily corresponding to hunger levels, as women tend to be much much hungrier a few days before and during their period (the average woman eats a whopping 30% more calories during this time! and espeically fats and sugars, because of increased fats/sugar cravings...). So keep an eye out for that :)
I also did some research yesterday regarding coconut. I had heard a few months ago about the positive effects of coconut oil (a medium chain fatty acid - lauric acid) - but i was nervous about giving it a try, as i knew how high coconut was in saturated fat! But it can actually have a good, positive effect on weight loss:
www.prosperityorganicfoods.com/pdfs/abstract_coconut_oil.pdf
Coconut tends to improve energy levels by helping tell your body that you aren't starving, improving your metabolism and increasing satiety!
As I said before, I've ignored coconut for years and years cos I always thought it was terrible for me - but the above review indicates that coconut oil (and other Medium chain triglycerides, but especially coconut) are associated with lower rates of diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and faster metabolism, better satiety, and improved weight control.
I'm not saying go out and consume a surplus of coconut oil on top of everything else... but if you can spare the calories, consider replacing your sunflower or olive oil with coconut oil!
I've lost about 5 kilograms in the last little while, and i know I'm about to have a bit of a plateau and hungry-hungry-caterpillar-time soon, so I tried replacing my 1/2 cup yoghurt (74cals, 1.4g fat) with 1/4 cup coconut cream (68 cals, 8.9g fat) with my oats to see if it boosts my metabolism a bit (almost exactly the same in terms of calories!). And wow -it's now 3 hours since i had breakfast, and although brekky was a lot smaller than usual (i only had 2 tbsp oats with the coconut cream, no seeds, no fruit - i was short of time this morning) - and I am really full and don't think i'll be able to eat for a good few hours. And what's even better is that I've been FREEZING cold ALL THE TIME lately, (yes it's been cold here in sydney recently - but i've been wearing about 7 layers, and still freezing my butt off...!) but today I'm fine in just 2 layers!!! Maybe the weather suddenly changed, but there was certainly a spring in my step this morning - I had much more energy than usualy. In fact, i didn't even need to stop for my usual coffee on the way to uni, i had so much energy! So if you are feeling really ravenous one morning, and freezing cold, - spare the fat/calorie worries, and give the coconut cream a try... you won't be disappointed! I'm thinking, though the coconut cream didn't taste so great (needs to be sweetened, but i don't like adding sugar to anythin...) so i might consider using it for lunch instead in a curry soup or stir fry's or something... The only thing is that I'd advise eating it in the morning (or earlier half of the day) - to get the maximum thermogenetic (energy-inducing) effects! So i'm going to have a bit of a think as to whether i can improve the taste, or just have it for lunch... I thought that maybe i could use coconut instead of coconut cream, but that has a lot less oil for the same calories, so it will have a lesser effect (i think its cos dried coconut contains more carbohydrates)...
One thing i've been trying to find out, however, is that: apparently, coconut oil is very difficult to damage with cooking (i.e. difficult to hydrogenate - thats what the 'trans fats' are all about, as the horrible hydrogenated fats are the ones that gets stored in a nasty fashion in your arteries!). Well looking at the coconut cream, the ingredients are: coconut, water, and emulsifier. I'm worried that the emulsifier (a chemical which makes oils and water able to be mixed together) might be hydrogenating the coconut oil... but I haven't been able to find out much about it on the net. Will have to keep looking.
:) NIkki
Of interest also, your metabolism slowly increases for your monthly cycle, starting from the first day of your period - it actually starts to drop back a few days after ovulation (day 16) so that it is lowest the few days before (and during) your period... but that is not necessarily corresponding to hunger levels, as women tend to be much much hungrier a few days before and during their period (the average woman eats a whopping 30% more calories during this time! and espeically fats and sugars, because of increased fats/sugar cravings...). So keep an eye out for that :)
I also did some research yesterday regarding coconut. I had heard a few months ago about the positive effects of coconut oil (a medium chain fatty acid - lauric acid) - but i was nervous about giving it a try, as i knew how high coconut was in saturated fat! But it can actually have a good, positive effect on weight loss:
www.prosperityorganicfoods.com/pdfs/abstract_coconut_oil.pdf
Coconut tends to improve energy levels by helping tell your body that you aren't starving, improving your metabolism and increasing satiety!
As I said before, I've ignored coconut for years and years cos I always thought it was terrible for me - but the above review indicates that coconut oil (and other Medium chain triglycerides, but especially coconut) are associated with lower rates of diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and faster metabolism, better satiety, and improved weight control.
I'm not saying go out and consume a surplus of coconut oil on top of everything else... but if you can spare the calories, consider replacing your sunflower or olive oil with coconut oil!
I've lost about 5 kilograms in the last little while, and i know I'm about to have a bit of a plateau and hungry-hungry-caterpillar-time soon, so I tried replacing my 1/2 cup yoghurt (74cals, 1.4g fat) with 1/4 cup coconut cream (68 cals, 8.9g fat) with my oats to see if it boosts my metabolism a bit (almost exactly the same in terms of calories!). And wow -it's now 3 hours since i had breakfast, and although brekky was a lot smaller than usual (i only had 2 tbsp oats with the coconut cream, no seeds, no fruit - i was short of time this morning) - and I am really full and don't think i'll be able to eat for a good few hours. And what's even better is that I've been FREEZING cold ALL THE TIME lately, (yes it's been cold here in sydney recently - but i've been wearing about 7 layers, and still freezing my butt off...!) but today I'm fine in just 2 layers!!! Maybe the weather suddenly changed, but there was certainly a spring in my step this morning - I had much more energy than usualy. In fact, i didn't even need to stop for my usual coffee on the way to uni, i had so much energy! So if you are feeling really ravenous one morning, and freezing cold, - spare the fat/calorie worries, and give the coconut cream a try... you won't be disappointed! I'm thinking, though the coconut cream didn't taste so great (needs to be sweetened, but i don't like adding sugar to anythin...) so i might consider using it for lunch instead in a curry soup or stir fry's or something... The only thing is that I'd advise eating it in the morning (or earlier half of the day) - to get the maximum thermogenetic (energy-inducing) effects! So i'm going to have a bit of a think as to whether i can improve the taste, or just have it for lunch... I thought that maybe i could use coconut instead of coconut cream, but that has a lot less oil for the same calories, so it will have a lesser effect (i think its cos dried coconut contains more carbohydrates)...
One thing i've been trying to find out, however, is that: apparently, coconut oil is very difficult to damage with cooking (i.e. difficult to hydrogenate - thats what the 'trans fats' are all about, as the horrible hydrogenated fats are the ones that gets stored in a nasty fashion in your arteries!). Well looking at the coconut cream, the ingredients are: coconut, water, and emulsifier. I'm worried that the emulsifier (a chemical which makes oils and water able to be mixed together) might be hydrogenating the coconut oil... but I haven't been able to find out much about it on the net. Will have to keep looking.
:) NIkki
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sick sick sick sick sick...
Nyuck...
I'm so sick sick at the moment - i've got the killer cold from hell...!
Still hanging around 65kilograms, and have been for the last few weeks. Again, i've noticed the trend that as soon as i start exercising more, my weight stays exactly the same (but the measurements keep moving...). But who knows, the weight this time may be because I'm sick, it may be because of TTOM - whatever, I'm okay with my size, so who cares about what weight I am?
So here's a bit of a boost, anyway - I looked at my overall change since I started regulating my eating habits (I'm 166cm tall):
Cool :)
Have to get some uni work done today - life is suddenly getting very hectic.
Oh PS, had breakfast at uni yesterday, and I treated myself to a huge almond croissant for breakfast (my favourite thing in the world, and this cafe makes the most AWESOME ones!) I haven't had one in MONTHS and omg it tasted so good! But because i listened to my hunger signals, i wasn't really hungry until about 5pm that afternoon!!! (though i had a salad in the meantime, as it's silly to skip a meal) And even when I ate dinner that night, I got satisfied pretty quickly. So the almond in it must have just 'hit the spot', and satisfied my sweet tooth / cravings for the moment. It'll be a while before i feel ready to eat one of those again, though - as i did feel slightly queasy for most of the rest of the day...!
xox Nikki
I'm so sick sick at the moment - i've got the killer cold from hell...!
Still hanging around 65kilograms, and have been for the last few weeks. Again, i've noticed the trend that as soon as i start exercising more, my weight stays exactly the same (but the measurements keep moving...). But who knows, the weight this time may be because I'm sick, it may be because of TTOM - whatever, I'm okay with my size, so who cares about what weight I am?
So here's a bit of a boost, anyway - I looked at my overall change since I started regulating my eating habits (I'm 166cm tall):
Cool :)Have to get some uni work done today - life is suddenly getting very hectic.
Oh PS, had breakfast at uni yesterday, and I treated myself to a huge almond croissant for breakfast (my favourite thing in the world, and this cafe makes the most AWESOME ones!) I haven't had one in MONTHS and omg it tasted so good! But because i listened to my hunger signals, i wasn't really hungry until about 5pm that afternoon!!! (though i had a salad in the meantime, as it's silly to skip a meal) And even when I ate dinner that night, I got satisfied pretty quickly. So the almond in it must have just 'hit the spot', and satisfied my sweet tooth / cravings for the moment. It'll be a while before i feel ready to eat one of those again, though - as i did feel slightly queasy for most of the rest of the day...!
xox Nikki
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I still get stunned...!
Well,
As i said before, my weight loss has been having a bit of a standstill for the past 1-2 weeks... and waning energy levels (with increased hunger, and being FREEZING COLD 24/7!) have told me its cos my body is starting to panic a bit and my metabolism is dramatically slowing!
Nevertheless, I was AGAIN shocked when last wednesday we drove down to Melbourne: which means 2 x 12 hour drives of poor sleep, no moving (no exercise), an army's worth of food (and not very healthy!), and boredom... I coped pretty well, though - we took the left over platter of sandwiches from the funeral, but did end up gorging on them - about 12 x small 1/4 meat/egg/chicken sandwiches... and then something twigged in my body and i was STILL hungry - so I had a giant handful of nuts/sultanas... and then decided i wanted to try the apple cake that we also took home... and still kind of hungry i finished off the evening with an apple and tried to sleep...
Well, was I surprised when I came home and weighed myself over the next few days to discover that not only had I not gained weight, but I had actually LOST (+ cms, so it wasn't just losing muscle and gaining fat!).
Strange how despite experiencing this same pattern of losing weight and speeding up my metabolism only when i'm eating ENOUGH and eating MORE of healthy(-ish!) foods, I am always surprised and shocked to discover how easy it can be to lose weight... After years and years of pushing my body, and starving myself, and exercising ridiculously to try and lose weight (and just seeing me plateau for a few weeks - then end up starving and bingeing the next week!) - I feel this tremendous guilt and amazement that the key to my success this time has just been making sure i'm eating MORE.
I just hope that I can share my experiences with other people so that they never have to feel the emptiness and despair of hunger/plateauing again, because it is such a lonely and depressing world to be in! I hope that anyone (if anyone is!) reading this, that they WILL take my experiences on board, and realise that I don't just have a magical body or metabolism - you too can retrain your metabolism to get easy and effective, sustainable and long term weight loss. Please do take the leap of faith. Stop seeing binges/falling-off-the-wagon as YOU being weak, and it's your fault - it's time to see them as an innate, ancient response of your body to hunger, and as inevitable if you push your body to that extreme. If you accept that, then you can arm yourself with defences to stop them happening (before the urges get out of hand) with nourishing foods that will supercharge your metabolism and energy levels, and quickly get those nagging hunger pangs to disappear (without 'blowing' your diet!). You have to be honest with yourself: learn the warning signs before you crash and burn, because the longer you leave it - the harder it will be to get it under control!
It's just about being too smart for your body, and not letting it be too smart for you!
xox Nikki
PS: I went for a walk/run yesterday, and I had SUCH renewed energy! Nourishing my body with food showed me run longer, faster and more often than I have before on my walks - and I now have a new time! And I've stopped being freezing cold all the time!
It's important that you learn the symptoms of your body when you are hungry / full (i.e. when your metabolism is slow, or fast!) so that you can best use that to your advantage. When my metabolism is slowing - I get cold, depressed, hungry for protein/fatty/carb-rich foods (i.e. energy dense foods, especially nuts, bread and cheese! I get completely obsessed with food and working out when i can eat next, and I spend half the night/morning ravenous!) , and really really tired. So I eat myself out of it, until I start feeling the cold less, and my body starts itching to exercise with huge amounts of energy, I feel really positive and sociable about life, and I find that I can go a bit longer without feeling hungry. I also start craving salads and vegetables, and the thought of sweet/fatty unhealthy foods makes me feel quite sick - and that's when I know my metabolism is supercharged and ready for effective and easy weight loss.
As i said before, my weight loss has been having a bit of a standstill for the past 1-2 weeks... and waning energy levels (with increased hunger, and being FREEZING COLD 24/7!) have told me its cos my body is starting to panic a bit and my metabolism is dramatically slowing!
Nevertheless, I was AGAIN shocked when last wednesday we drove down to Melbourne: which means 2 x 12 hour drives of poor sleep, no moving (no exercise), an army's worth of food (and not very healthy!), and boredom... I coped pretty well, though - we took the left over platter of sandwiches from the funeral, but did end up gorging on them - about 12 x small 1/4 meat/egg/chicken sandwiches... and then something twigged in my body and i was STILL hungry - so I had a giant handful of nuts/sultanas... and then decided i wanted to try the apple cake that we also took home... and still kind of hungry i finished off the evening with an apple and tried to sleep...
Well, was I surprised when I came home and weighed myself over the next few days to discover that not only had I not gained weight, but I had actually LOST (+ cms, so it wasn't just losing muscle and gaining fat!).
Strange how despite experiencing this same pattern of losing weight and speeding up my metabolism only when i'm eating ENOUGH and eating MORE of healthy(-ish!) foods, I am always surprised and shocked to discover how easy it can be to lose weight... After years and years of pushing my body, and starving myself, and exercising ridiculously to try and lose weight (and just seeing me plateau for a few weeks - then end up starving and bingeing the next week!) - I feel this tremendous guilt and amazement that the key to my success this time has just been making sure i'm eating MORE.
I just hope that I can share my experiences with other people so that they never have to feel the emptiness and despair of hunger/plateauing again, because it is such a lonely and depressing world to be in! I hope that anyone (if anyone is!) reading this, that they WILL take my experiences on board, and realise that I don't just have a magical body or metabolism - you too can retrain your metabolism to get easy and effective, sustainable and long term weight loss. Please do take the leap of faith. Stop seeing binges/falling-off-the-wagon as YOU being weak, and it's your fault - it's time to see them as an innate, ancient response of your body to hunger, and as inevitable if you push your body to that extreme. If you accept that, then you can arm yourself with defences to stop them happening (before the urges get out of hand) with nourishing foods that will supercharge your metabolism and energy levels, and quickly get those nagging hunger pangs to disappear (without 'blowing' your diet!). You have to be honest with yourself: learn the warning signs before you crash and burn, because the longer you leave it - the harder it will be to get it under control!
It's just about being too smart for your body, and not letting it be too smart for you!
xox Nikki
PS: I went for a walk/run yesterday, and I had SUCH renewed energy! Nourishing my body with food showed me run longer, faster and more often than I have before on my walks - and I now have a new time! And I've stopped being freezing cold all the time!
It's important that you learn the symptoms of your body when you are hungry / full (i.e. when your metabolism is slow, or fast!) so that you can best use that to your advantage. When my metabolism is slowing - I get cold, depressed, hungry for protein/fatty/carb-rich foods (i.e. energy dense foods, especially nuts, bread and cheese! I get completely obsessed with food and working out when i can eat next, and I spend half the night/morning ravenous!) , and really really tired. So I eat myself out of it, until I start feeling the cold less, and my body starts itching to exercise with huge amounts of energy, I feel really positive and sociable about life, and I find that I can go a bit longer without feeling hungry. I also start craving salads and vegetables, and the thought of sweet/fatty unhealthy foods makes me feel quite sick - and that's when I know my metabolism is supercharged and ready for effective and easy weight loss.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Maintenance #3
So, yesterday i was hungry again... in a BIG way... and i ended up eating more and larger meals than normal, and i couldn't stop grazing all day! But i woke up this morning feeling quite full and content, (with no more temptations to graze, thank goodness!), so that seems to be working OK. I confess, I'm just really nervous about weighing myself - Tuesday is weigh/measure day... and i feel a lot bigger than yesterday! But its OK, i know its just my body getting used to more food again, and it will slip back down - but no one likes to see the scale go up (for fear it will keep going that way, and never go back down!).
I'm so very very sick this morning. I think I picked up a cold from someone at uni... nyargh...
Better try and get in some exercise today - did nothing yesterday other than 30 Min's incidental walking. Had big plans for Pilate's and running... but that was before i woke up so sick!
xox Nikki
--- Update --- Later that morning...
Well, I got out of bed and did my Pilate's... and felt better, I must admit.
Weigh in day was today - so despite my eating-fest yesterday, I still weighed in and took measurements... And I'm the same weight (which I am happy with, after 5 weeks of weight loss at 1 kg / week!)... BUT lost a few centimetres in measurements! :) YAY, maybe my muscle mass is coming back!!!!! :D :D :D
Didn't feel very hungry for breakfast at all today - except fruit, fruit and more fruit. Why do I always spend the whole day craving fruit when I'm sick? Must be the vitamin C and sugary/COH goodness...
xox N
I'm so very very sick this morning. I think I picked up a cold from someone at uni... nyargh...
Better try and get in some exercise today - did nothing yesterday other than 30 Min's incidental walking. Had big plans for Pilate's and running... but that was before i woke up so sick!
xox Nikki
--- Update --- Later that morning...
Well, I got out of bed and did my Pilate's... and felt better, I must admit.
Weigh in day was today - so despite my eating-fest yesterday, I still weighed in and took measurements... And I'm the same weight (which I am happy with, after 5 weeks of weight loss at 1 kg / week!)... BUT lost a few centimetres in measurements! :) YAY, maybe my muscle mass is coming back!!!!! :D :D :D
Didn't feel very hungry for breakfast at all today - except fruit, fruit and more fruit. Why do I always spend the whole day craving fruit when I'm sick? Must be the vitamin C and sugary/COH goodness...
xox N
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Self Esteem
Ok
I just want to put up a post about me and my self esteem.
Before i started losing weight, I thought that self esteem would come when i was slimmer.
I'm now 65kg, within the healthy BMI for my height - and the self esteem has not appeared. If anything, it's actually worse!
So this is going to seem very boastful, but I'm going to put up a post of the things I like about myself - and the positive things I AM! I've had altogether too many negative thoughts going around my head recently....!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Superspeed weight loss??? LOVE IT!
Well,
this is wierd. I haven't been pushing my body harder than i usually do when i try to lose weight - Not at all, like my exercise levels are probably around 30 minutes a day of something, and I'm eating all that i should be...
But the last 5 weeks I've had a nice easy weight loss of about 1kg a week....! It seems that maintaining your weight loss for a while, is DEFINATELY the way to go - it is incredibly easy!!!
So! My self-experimentation with 'ad libitum feeding', has WORKED!
However, I can feel my hunger creeping up these days, and i'm getting more tired - so i think that another bout of maintenance will be due very soon...! Especially today....! I had muesli, yoghurt and fruit for brekky at 7.45am this morning, then was hungry on the train at 8.30am so had some sesame snaps... then was roaring for lunch at 10am and had a giant chicken and salad roll... and sure enough, when i got home at 2pm - it was time for a second lunch! Outcame the cheese and crackers, apple and a banana milkshake!
I'm feeling very nicely content now :). It's great: food tastes so much better these days because I'm actually hungry, and it's entirely guilt free!
Okay, well i'm off for a walk - i need to put this extra energy i now seem to have to good use, i'm bouncing off the walls!
xox Nikki
this is wierd. I haven't been pushing my body harder than i usually do when i try to lose weight - Not at all, like my exercise levels are probably around 30 minutes a day of something, and I'm eating all that i should be...
But the last 5 weeks I've had a nice easy weight loss of about 1kg a week....! It seems that maintaining your weight loss for a while, is DEFINATELY the way to go - it is incredibly easy!!!
So! My self-experimentation with 'ad libitum feeding', has WORKED!
However, I can feel my hunger creeping up these days, and i'm getting more tired - so i think that another bout of maintenance will be due very soon...! Especially today....! I had muesli, yoghurt and fruit for brekky at 7.45am this morning, then was hungry on the train at 8.30am so had some sesame snaps... then was roaring for lunch at 10am and had a giant chicken and salad roll... and sure enough, when i got home at 2pm - it was time for a second lunch! Outcame the cheese and crackers, apple and a banana milkshake!
I'm feeling very nicely content now :). It's great: food tastes so much better these days because I'm actually hungry, and it's entirely guilt free!
Okay, well i'm off for a walk - i need to put this extra energy i now seem to have to good use, i'm bouncing off the walls!
xox Nikki
Thursday, July 24, 2008
HI GUYS! i'm back blogging... :)
Well, after a few months hiatus due to uni work going absolutely mental and me ending up extremely stressed and depressed - things are looking up!
I ignored weight loss for a few months, and my scheme of trying to regulate my metabolism and eating habits has worked nicely as i didn't gain much at all over those 3 months!!! So when a few weeks ago i tried to lose again - i have been rewarded with a very easy 2.5kilograms down... with no difficulties at all!
Its so exciting... but i really do seem to be along the way to sustainable weight loss!!!
I'm enjoying easily fitting in my favourite jeans now (size 10, i may add! though thats larger target sizing :)) - which couldn't be better timing as my darling old baggy jeans just fell apart! They were on the way out when i went for a hike a few weekends ago... and now they are simply in pieces haha...
I've started focusing on including plenty of nuts, seeds, fish and dairy in my diet, and i've had very positive results - no chocolate or fat cravings at all! And the mini packs of sesame snaps have become my staple "emergency food" - i always keep one in my handbag in case i get hungry!
I must admit, i'm not having much time to do very much exercise at the moment - but i'm making sure i get about 30 mins of incidental walking a day... and trying to get the old heart rate up once a week with running or soccer or something!
I better get ready for uni, tooooooodles! :)
I ignored weight loss for a few months, and my scheme of trying to regulate my metabolism and eating habits has worked nicely as i didn't gain much at all over those 3 months!!! So when a few weeks ago i tried to lose again - i have been rewarded with a very easy 2.5kilograms down... with no difficulties at all!
Its so exciting... but i really do seem to be along the way to sustainable weight loss!!!
I'm enjoying easily fitting in my favourite jeans now (size 10, i may add! though thats larger target sizing :)) - which couldn't be better timing as my darling old baggy jeans just fell apart! They were on the way out when i went for a hike a few weekends ago... and now they are simply in pieces haha...
I've started focusing on including plenty of nuts, seeds, fish and dairy in my diet, and i've had very positive results - no chocolate or fat cravings at all! And the mini packs of sesame snaps have become my staple "emergency food" - i always keep one in my handbag in case i get hungry!
I must admit, i'm not having much time to do very much exercise at the moment - but i'm making sure i get about 30 mins of incidental walking a day... and trying to get the old heart rate up once a week with running or soccer or something!
I better get ready for uni, tooooooodles! :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Monday: Uni week 2
Feeling a lot more optimistic this week (sorry about the pessimism!). AFter last week's discoveries i became a bit of a skeptic, and proceeded to eat what i wanted - this week my clothes still fit, i'm no heavier, i don't feel like i've gained weight (i haven't!). So maybe, with time, if i can keep the 10kg off without trying too hard (just a bit of exercise, and no eating 10 blocks of chockie a day) for a while... then maybe i can retrain my body to be normal... i think so... because i know that with time you can reduce the number of fat cells that exist in your body with weight loss (not just the size). So hopefully my body will get the picture and reduce the number, so that even if i pack those fat cells full - i can't be as fat as before because there are fewer cells! Personally, i don't believe that the changes to the adipocytes are totally irreversible, that seems quite unlikely (i am NOT in denial!). I just think that there is so much we don't know...
So its no "eating restriction" again for me for a while.
I'm actually quite happy with my body as it is now. Of course some time in the future i would like to be slimmer... but i'm passing off that opportunity for the moment by telling myself if i go slow, then i'll only have to lose this ONCE.. and will never be 80kg again... So at the moment i'm concentrating on increasing my fitness and cardiovascular fitness - so that i'll live a nice long life with my happy, healthy bones 'n heart!
Had my last WI today at ww (can't afford it anymore). Lost 400g since last week, (apparently)... but i don't trust scales anymore. I bought a body fat % analyser (like a Tanita) off ebay the other day ($25), as i'm going to concentrate on building up lean muscle mass - i want to get near 25% body fat if i can (i'm at 31.8% now).
Fitness was okay at fitness assessment last week (VO2max). I'm in the average for my age group. I've got top core strength, which was nice (abdom muscles), okay posture - but my flexibility is absolutely awful. I have to work on loosening out my calves!!!!
Been doing LifeSprints since learning about them last week. AN easy 20 minutes every morning on the exercise bike (8 sec sprint, 12 sec slow - repeated for 20 min), before brekky. Then i rely on incidental exercise during the day to get me through. Of course Tues and Sun are Soccer days (1h 30min each)... I will run on thurs nights, do pilates on fridays - and rest day monday (i.e. no cycling!).
Haven't measured myself in a few weeks. Will do tomorrow morning. Who knows if i'm any different.
I love being at uni - there is so much more fascinating stuff to occupy my thoughts than obsessing about losing weight all the time (very much not healthy!). Absolutely loving the course this term, though its really tough.
My favourite jeans are fitting quite comfy now, btw. :)
Better get some sleep,
xox Nikki
So its no "eating restriction" again for me for a while.
I'm actually quite happy with my body as it is now. Of course some time in the future i would like to be slimmer... but i'm passing off that opportunity for the moment by telling myself if i go slow, then i'll only have to lose this ONCE.. and will never be 80kg again... So at the moment i'm concentrating on increasing my fitness and cardiovascular fitness - so that i'll live a nice long life with my happy, healthy bones 'n heart!
Had my last WI today at ww (can't afford it anymore). Lost 400g since last week, (apparently)... but i don't trust scales anymore. I bought a body fat % analyser (like a Tanita) off ebay the other day ($25), as i'm going to concentrate on building up lean muscle mass - i want to get near 25% body fat if i can (i'm at 31.8% now).
Fitness was okay at fitness assessment last week (VO2max). I'm in the average for my age group. I've got top core strength, which was nice (abdom muscles), okay posture - but my flexibility is absolutely awful. I have to work on loosening out my calves!!!!
Been doing LifeSprints since learning about them last week. AN easy 20 minutes every morning on the exercise bike (8 sec sprint, 12 sec slow - repeated for 20 min), before brekky. Then i rely on incidental exercise during the day to get me through. Of course Tues and Sun are Soccer days (1h 30min each)... I will run on thurs nights, do pilates on fridays - and rest day monday (i.e. no cycling!).
Haven't measured myself in a few weeks. Will do tomorrow morning. Who knows if i'm any different.
I love being at uni - there is so much more fascinating stuff to occupy my thoughts than obsessing about losing weight all the time (very much not healthy!). Absolutely loving the course this term, though its really tough.
My favourite jeans are fitting quite comfy now, btw. :)
Better get some sleep,
xox Nikki
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Newsflash! Remembering the science of weight loss...
Well i was back at uni today for my first day of lectures and tutorials. And my goodness, what a learning curve!
I confess that in the last 12 months my brain has become less and less science/logic oriented and started relying too heavily on the silliness of personal experience. But today was a big wakeup call that reminded me of how i got to this lower weight, and what i have to do to keep it this way.
We had a brush up lecture on maintaining health through diet and exercise. And the lecturers again reminded me of what i was fast forgetting - that dieting makes you put on weight. I confess i've been moving into diet-zone a lot recently (which always ends up back in fat-ville, every single time!)... so i need to slow it down.
But all that above was said by one lecture slide... pictures really do speak a thousand words.
I confess that in the last 12 months my brain has become less and less science/logic oriented and started relying too heavily on the silliness of personal experience. But today was a big wakeup call that reminded me of how i got to this lower weight, and what i have to do to keep it this way.
We had a brush up lecture on maintaining health through diet and exercise. And the lecturers again reminded me of what i was fast forgetting - that dieting makes you put on weight. I confess i've been moving into diet-zone a lot recently (which always ends up back in fat-ville, every single time!)... so i need to slow it down.
But all that above was said by one lecture slide... pictures really do speak a thousand words.
Goodness you really can't see it. But the one on the left: that shows what happens when you diet. ALL that black stuff is what you lose - but ALL that black stuff is water... WATER!!! and see that whitish stuff that drops a tiny bit at the beginning, but then forms a thick layer that never changes for the rest of the time - that is fat... and it DOESN'T CHANGE. Even worse, see the greyish stuff at the top, that shows a massive drop to a slow amount ---> bye bye Mr Muscle...
Looking at the picture on the right, look at the dark line. This is a rat that was fed a "typical" australian low-fibre, high-fat diet for a few weeks, and rapidly became obese... then, they made it eat a reduced-calorie diet, and made it lose a lot of weight in 11 days, so that it was almost back to where it started. But then, they put the rat back on the 'australian diet' again - and in 22 days, the rat had put the weight back on (plus even more!). And sure enough, they put the rat back on a reduced-calorie diet, and in 22 days (double the previous) the rat was back to its lower weight again... but when they then put the rat back on its fatty Aussie diet --> it only took 11 days for the rat to be even fatter than before --> and the weight just kept skyrocketing after that...
So that, my friends, is what "diet cycling" does to your metabolism...
So today i've gone off weight watchers and core and counting and trying to lose weight. Because i'm working my butt off to get fit and lean, and i don't want to see my poor body end up entirely fat and absolutely no muscle...! I'd rather be a size 10 with muscle and fat, than a wobbly and unhelathy size 8 who can't eat anything for fear of her weight ballloooning...
So i'm back to maintaining my weight, again, and for a long time. I think this next 10 kilograms is going to take about a year or two for me to lose. But if that be the case, so be it... At least i know at the moment i'm heavy and healthy, whereas another month of dieting and weight-loss obession could see me turn into light and flabby... I never want to go back to how i have been, and the current path of dieting that i'm following - is all too familiar... i've seen it in me before...
I'm back to trusting my instincts - core was on the right track. It was so close to being something wonderful, but i think it was still pushing too much focus on restriction... and restriction (for many, not all of us) tends to end up in us having the "on diet" "off diet" approach - which the graphs above show is not at all the best way to lose weight, but the best way to gain weight!
Oh and i learnt one other thing today --> fructose inhibits leptin production, (leptin = the satiety hormone that acts on your hypothalamus)... so whilst fructose may have a better affect on insulin than glucose, it makes you hungry and promotes fat deposition.... just thought i should point that out... so it doesn't make a good substitute for sugar --> use sugar, or nothing at all!
Doing a practical tomorrow that assesses my fitness and measure's my body fat... lets see how badly all the dieting has affected my fat/muscles levels... wish me luck!
xox Nikki
Monday, March 24, 2008
Easter Monday
Well, i'm starting back at uni tomorrow! So i need to get all prepared and cleaned up, ready for the new year... I think i need a to do list...
Well i still haven't lost weight... (weigh in last thurs = -100g!) BUT! Saturday night i went out and fit in my favourite jeans! I fit in them a few weeks ago (just!) but there was massive overhang... but no overhang on Saturday! So i've definately been slimming up a bit, even if it hasn't been showing on the scales.
Easter exercise challenge went by smoothly - even though i didn't do any exercise on monday... but i got well past my 50 points:
Monday: nothing
Tuesday: 2hr fast walking, 45min soccer
Wednesday: 40min pilates, 1hr40 fast walking
Thursday: 35min running, 2hr fast walking, 1hr slow walking (shops)
Friday: 4h30m bushwalking
Saturday: 1h40min slow walking (shops and @city)
Sunday: 30min running, 60min fast walking, 3hr30min bushwalking
So that was fun! Just got to get back in the uni groove next week - it will be so strange no longer having time on my hands to walk, and not being able to sleep in anymore until 9! But i think i need the change, as sleeping in chronically until 9 is not a good habit to get into - i want to go back to having nice long days again...!
Moving on to week 4 of C25k now - i did a run on sunday morning, somewhere between week three and week 4:
3m - walk,
3m - run & 1.5m - walk, x 2
1.5m - run, 1.5m - walk x 2
3m - run, 3m - walk
1.5m - run, 5m - walk
Stretch
Just didn't feel ready to tackle week 4 yet, with the (3R,1.5W,5R,2.5Wx2)! I think maybe i'll do one more run of this before trying week 4:
3m walk
3m - run & 1.5m - walk x 6
3m walk
stretch
Ok better get to cleaning my room...
PS: WI is on wed this week. Will have to change WI to mondays after this wed, though...
Well i still haven't lost weight... (weigh in last thurs = -100g!) BUT! Saturday night i went out and fit in my favourite jeans! I fit in them a few weeks ago (just!) but there was massive overhang... but no overhang on Saturday! So i've definately been slimming up a bit, even if it hasn't been showing on the scales.
Easter exercise challenge went by smoothly - even though i didn't do any exercise on monday... but i got well past my 50 points:
Monday: nothing
Tuesday: 2hr fast walking, 45min soccer
Wednesday: 40min pilates, 1hr40 fast walking
Thursday: 35min running, 2hr fast walking, 1hr slow walking (shops)
Friday: 4h30m bushwalking
Saturday: 1h40min slow walking (shops and @city)
Sunday: 30min running, 60min fast walking, 3hr30min bushwalking
So that was fun! Just got to get back in the uni groove next week - it will be so strange no longer having time on my hands to walk, and not being able to sleep in anymore until 9! But i think i need the change, as sleeping in chronically until 9 is not a good habit to get into - i want to go back to having nice long days again...!
Moving on to week 4 of C25k now - i did a run on sunday morning, somewhere between week three and week 4:
3m - walk,
3m - run & 1.5m - walk, x 2
1.5m - run, 1.5m - walk x 2
3m - run, 3m - walk
1.5m - run, 5m - walk
Stretch
Just didn't feel ready to tackle week 4 yet, with the (3R,1.5W,5R,2.5Wx2)! I think maybe i'll do one more run of this before trying week 4:
3m walk
3m - run & 1.5m - walk x 6
3m walk
stretch
Ok better get to cleaning my room...
PS: WI is on wed this week. Will have to change WI to mondays after this wed, though...
Monday, March 17, 2008
Monday: holidays, finally!!!!
Well! the thesis report is done and submitted! I finally get the week of stress-free holiday that i've been dreaming about for a year!
Lol and i don't know what to do with myself...
On another note: 2nd WI last friday, -2.0kg! But, lol that's expected after the week i had before my first WI!
I think i may have got past the 70kg threshold...!!! But not sure, as the weighing scales are a bit tempermental - i think they were below the 70 this morning, but i'll check to see whether they stay under for the next few days or not (i should get digital scales...! much easier to read - especially when you've lost your glasses!)
Doing really well in most ways, though this week. I'm actually having to force myself to be strong and eat carbohydrates with every meal (yeah that sounds strange, but i have a past dieting history of avoiding carbohydrates like the plague when i'm trying to lose weight...!). But i'm making myself do it this time, and not bingeing on slice after slice of white bread has never been this easy!!! (i'm actually not craving bread at all, which is odd cos white bread and cheese are usually the two things i crave most wehn i'm losing weight... but i've been eating both, so that must be why!) lol... now i just have to wait for the weight loss...
Damn, just finished my coffee... I'm trying to wean down to only 1 cup a day (i absolutely adore my coffeee... so don't think its a caffeine addiction or anything!!!)... but i'm thinking that i should try and get it down to one.... oh stuff that, i want another one!!! lol... two isn't that bad, considering i don't drink black tea or coke or anything else with caffeine in it... But yeah, we just got a new coffee grinder (our old one was an electric dutch one my grandparents passed down to my dad - about 40 years old!!! but the size of the granules was getting a bit variable: like the difference between icing sugar (clogging up the espresso filter pores), and granular toffee sugar (makes filthy coffee)... but this new breville one is pretty good! I feel very sad having to say goodbye to our old one... but the time has come...
Set myself a goal this week... Since i'm on holidays i have plenty of time on my hands. SO, i'm aiming at 1-1.5hrs of exercise a day. SO here is the plan:
Monday: AM: walking / housework (30min), PM: c25k run (30m)
Tuesday: AM: walking (at home/uni/normo) (50 min), PM: soccer training (1hr)
Wednesday: AM: pilates (45min), PM: walking at city with parents to see Billy Elliot (30min)
Thursday: AM: C25k run (30min), PM: walk to tutoring (1h 30min)
Friday: AM: pilates (45min), PM: walking / housework (30 min)
Saturday: AM: C25k run (30min), PM: out to 21st at city, walking (45min)
Sunday: PM: beecroft walking loop (1h 30min)
I'll probably be late home on sat night/sun morning, hence that's why i'm leaving that nice long walk to clear my head in the afternoon. I've just found a secret to the hangover/late night seediness the day after you go out - lots and lots of fruit, and a long long walk! I felt pretty bad yesterday (i only had 3 standard drinks so not so much hangover, but i was really tired - not much sleep!) and that fruit and walk did absolute wonders! I felt like a new person! (something that lying on the couch for 5 hours before the couch didn't fix!).
Ps! managed to keep the uni stress-related eating at bay last week! Did this by staying in control: not of my eating, but of my assignment! By getting down and doing it, and telling myself i had plenty of time so it was all ok - i didn't give in, and still got to exercise too! So looks like my plan to attack stress eating worked!!!
Uni starts again next tuesday... eek! Haven't been in clinical surroundings for a year, so i'm pretty nervy about it!
Take care all,
Love Nikki
Lol and i don't know what to do with myself...
On another note: 2nd WI last friday, -2.0kg! But, lol that's expected after the week i had before my first WI!
I think i may have got past the 70kg threshold...!!! But not sure, as the weighing scales are a bit tempermental - i think they were below the 70 this morning, but i'll check to see whether they stay under for the next few days or not (i should get digital scales...! much easier to read - especially when you've lost your glasses!)
Doing really well in most ways, though this week. I'm actually having to force myself to be strong and eat carbohydrates with every meal (yeah that sounds strange, but i have a past dieting history of avoiding carbohydrates like the plague when i'm trying to lose weight...!). But i'm making myself do it this time, and not bingeing on slice after slice of white bread has never been this easy!!! (i'm actually not craving bread at all, which is odd cos white bread and cheese are usually the two things i crave most wehn i'm losing weight... but i've been eating both, so that must be why!) lol... now i just have to wait for the weight loss...
Damn, just finished my coffee... I'm trying to wean down to only 1 cup a day (i absolutely adore my coffeee... so don't think its a caffeine addiction or anything!!!)... but i'm thinking that i should try and get it down to one.... oh stuff that, i want another one!!! lol... two isn't that bad, considering i don't drink black tea or coke or anything else with caffeine in it... But yeah, we just got a new coffee grinder (our old one was an electric dutch one my grandparents passed down to my dad - about 40 years old!!! but the size of the granules was getting a bit variable: like the difference between icing sugar (clogging up the espresso filter pores), and granular toffee sugar (makes filthy coffee)... but this new breville one is pretty good! I feel very sad having to say goodbye to our old one... but the time has come...
Set myself a goal this week... Since i'm on holidays i have plenty of time on my hands. SO, i'm aiming at 1-1.5hrs of exercise a day. SO here is the plan:
Monday: AM: walking / housework (30min), PM: c25k run (30m)
Tuesday: AM: walking (at home/uni/normo) (50 min), PM: soccer training (1hr)
Wednesday: AM: pilates (45min), PM: walking at city with parents to see Billy Elliot (30min)
Thursday: AM: C25k run (30min), PM: walk to tutoring (1h 30min)
Friday: AM: pilates (45min), PM: walking / housework (30 min)
Saturday: AM: C25k run (30min), PM: out to 21st at city, walking (45min)
Sunday: PM: beecroft walking loop (1h 30min)
I'll probably be late home on sat night/sun morning, hence that's why i'm leaving that nice long walk to clear my head in the afternoon. I've just found a secret to the hangover/late night seediness the day after you go out - lots and lots of fruit, and a long long walk! I felt pretty bad yesterday (i only had 3 standard drinks so not so much hangover, but i was really tired - not much sleep!) and that fruit and walk did absolute wonders! I felt like a new person! (something that lying on the couch for 5 hours before the couch didn't fix!).
Ps! managed to keep the uni stress-related eating at bay last week! Did this by staying in control: not of my eating, but of my assignment! By getting down and doing it, and telling myself i had plenty of time so it was all ok - i didn't give in, and still got to exercise too! So looks like my plan to attack stress eating worked!!!
Uni starts again next tuesday... eek! Haven't been in clinical surroundings for a year, so i'm pretty nervy about it!
Take care all,
Love Nikki
Monday, March 10, 2008
Core: unedited and raw
Hi all!
Well, here's my week:
- last week i had my first big big test. and i failed. i've always struggled with uni-stress-related eating... and i confess i haven't been tested in the las 4 months, so here it came. I've got the emotional eating under control, and the hungry binge eating undercontrol - now its just the uni-stress related one that i have to deal with.
I think i've realised that i can't "walk and chew gum at the same time" - i.e. i can eat healthy until the uni stress comes, then i have to divert all my attention to getting that work done and can no longer even think about healthy eating. So i subconsciously go back and forth to the kitchen, because i'm so nervous about getting work done. I'll admit it wasn't a bad overeating session - if i took an average of my 'pre-4months-ago" binges, this would have been a lot lot less. But i still consider it a relapse.
I know the stress will hit again late this week: - my final version of my report is due (last week it was just the draft). So as long as i 1) don't leave it till last minute, 2) make sure if fit in 30min of exercise a day to get the endorphins flowing, 3) eat enough healthy and filling food (pre-prepared, so i don't have to worry abotu it - i'll make some meals todya and freeze them) then i should be ok.... lets hope it works!
---
Meanwhile, after my thursday 'binge' decided to start officially back at WW, though i was curious about Core - and core is awesome! It's almost exactly the same as to what i was doing before (i havent really made any changes!) but it just gives me some accountability that will hopefully motivate me to break the '70' mark, and hopefully eventually hit/break the '60'.
Well, i have actually made a few changes. Even though some of it works against my uni studies a bit (i.e. not principles, but some of the methods - i.e. 1 tsp oil vs 1 tsp sunflower seeds... why is the former core, and the latter isn't, when i'm within my daily 2 tsp allowance?). and if core is all abotu eating when you are hungry, stopping when you are full - then why should it matter if i drink 'non-core' low fat milk, as opposed to 'core' skim milk?
Anyway... here's to next week...
weighed in last friday at ww at 74kg (different scales, after binge, and with clothes... is the only explanation i can offer... but my scales say i'm at 70.5)... but both will show a decline if there has been one!
Love Nikki
Well, here's my week:
- last week i had my first big big test. and i failed. i've always struggled with uni-stress-related eating... and i confess i haven't been tested in the las 4 months, so here it came. I've got the emotional eating under control, and the hungry binge eating undercontrol - now its just the uni-stress related one that i have to deal with.
I think i've realised that i can't "walk and chew gum at the same time" - i.e. i can eat healthy until the uni stress comes, then i have to divert all my attention to getting that work done and can no longer even think about healthy eating. So i subconsciously go back and forth to the kitchen, because i'm so nervous about getting work done. I'll admit it wasn't a bad overeating session - if i took an average of my 'pre-4months-ago" binges, this would have been a lot lot less. But i still consider it a relapse.
I know the stress will hit again late this week: - my final version of my report is due (last week it was just the draft). So as long as i 1) don't leave it till last minute, 2) make sure if fit in 30min of exercise a day to get the endorphins flowing, 3) eat enough healthy and filling food (pre-prepared, so i don't have to worry abotu it - i'll make some meals todya and freeze them) then i should be ok.... lets hope it works!
---
Meanwhile, after my thursday 'binge' decided to start officially back at WW, though i was curious about Core - and core is awesome! It's almost exactly the same as to what i was doing before (i havent really made any changes!) but it just gives me some accountability that will hopefully motivate me to break the '70' mark, and hopefully eventually hit/break the '60'.
Well, i have actually made a few changes. Even though some of it works against my uni studies a bit (i.e. not principles, but some of the methods - i.e. 1 tsp oil vs 1 tsp sunflower seeds... why is the former core, and the latter isn't, when i'm within my daily 2 tsp allowance?). and if core is all abotu eating when you are hungry, stopping when you are full - then why should it matter if i drink 'non-core' low fat milk, as opposed to 'core' skim milk?
Anyway... here's to next week...
weighed in last friday at ww at 74kg (different scales, after binge, and with clothes... is the only explanation i can offer... but my scales say i'm at 70.5)... but both will show a decline if there has been one!
Love Nikki
Monday, March 3, 2008
Monday: cycles of weight loss
Well guys, it's monday. I've been trying to lose weight again since saturday - and the 'weight gain' i had throughout the maintenance period of 1.5kg, is gone and i'm back to 70kg - so that just proves that all i was gaining was mostly a lot of fluid (especially since my tape measurements didn't change!). Pity, cos i'm worried that now that i don't have the fluid - i'm not going to have as much energy. But never mind!
So today is weight loss day 3! Weight loss day three has a big importance to me, actually, in my weight loss history. Because those days all so long ago (4 months!) when i used to serial diet and binge eat, day three was always the day when the diet would break! Sometimes it would be before day three, but it would never be after day three - so lets see, shall we? Lets see how long i go before the nagging hunger and dizziness sets in again...
Put up a post on the WW forum today, that i thought was a good representation of some of the stages I have noticed you go through when you are losing weight. Just thought maybe i should post it here. These stages are based on the current medical knowledge as to how the brain reacts to changes in weight, and since i know from personal experience, this is how it feels - i think this may be very much true... (does that sound terribly egocentric? i hope not!)
STAGES OF WEIGHT LOSS
When you first try to lose weight, it is mostly because you are overweight, which is mostly because you have been eating a bit more than you should be (sounds simple, and basic, but that part has to be clear!). When you do that, it actually makes your body try and prevent weight gain without you even having to do anything (though this can be easily overloaded, and that is when you DO put on weight). So when you first start restricting your intake & exercising more, you’re almost doing double weight loss - i.e. the amount of work you are doing, plus what your body is helping you achieve by increasing your metabolism. Gradually that would slow down, & your lossess will be largely from your efforts, until you almost start working against your body in losing weight. i.e. think of it in these stages:
Stage 1.
Body trying to lose weight (+energy,+metab,-hunger,++motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-food,+exercise)
= ++Loss
Stage 2.
Body stops trying to lose weight (normal nergy,Metab,Hunger,+motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-Food,+Exer)
= + loss
(here is often where lose 'fluid', though may have happened in Stage 1)
Stage 3.
Body starts worrying about losing weight (-Energy,-Metab,+Hunger,-motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-Food,+Exercise)
= no or little change (plateau!)
Stage 4. [Danger! Danger!]
Body starts panicking (--Energy,--Metab,+++Hunger,---motivation)
+ weight loss efforts almost impossible because of body panicking (++Food,--Exercise)
= gain!
How to use these stages to your advantage...
The key is to avoid that stage 4. Unless you stop it, stage 4 will come eventually, no matter what speed you lose weight at, and stage 4 is 'binge mode': you eat everything and as hard as you try to analyse it, you can't work out why. However, the faster you lose, generally the faster you cycle through these 4 stages (and the sooner stage 4 will come), so you don't get the maximum benefit of actually working with your body to lose weight.
Hence: I think its vitally important to recognise stage 3, and the very very early onset of stage 4 (i wake up feeling odd on that 'day three') & not let it get to Stage 4 - do this by upping your caloric intake with wholesome foods (yes, carrots are wholesome - but they won't tell your body its not starving when all its craving is eggs, bread and cheese!), & keeping exercising (but not pushing yourself!) to maintain a stable weight for a week or two (i.e. make sure you aren't actively still trying to lose weight, but try not to gain either. This will actually boost your metabolism and energy levels so that you shouldn’t gain!) - then you will cycle back to s2 (though if you go a little bit overboard, fortunately you do tend to cycle through 1 as well! :p), & end up at s3 again.
These ideas are based on the principles of weight regulation in the human body. It's a "negative feedback system", similar to how your body controls your temperature (i.e. body temp increases --> body works to decrease it, and visa versa) - except here it's controlling (and also controlled BY) the amount of fat in your fat stores, the amount you are exercising (energy expenditure) and the amount you are eating (energy intake).
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT STAGE 4
Just in case some more clarity is needed about how to cycle from a stage 4 to a stage 2 (or, if your lucky, maybe even a stage 1!) - here's some advice.
1) don't push harder. If you push harder, then you will only continue oscillating between a stage 3 and 4 - very minimal weight losses, probably between binges that will put havoc on your metabolism and that WILL lead to weight gain. This is how rebound weight gain happens!!!! So don't restart the unhealthy cycle of decreasing metabolisms and increasing weight gains! So this means, don't eat even less, don't exercise even more to punish yourself or to compensate for a binge you may have had, or to try and 'jump' over a plateau. your body is smart, and you cannot trick it! Think about the basic weight loss principles: losing weight = calories out > calories in. BUT calories out is unfortunately determined by your body, and it can get mighty good at being very calorie-efficient and minimalising your weight loss, despite huge restrictions or exercise-efforts. So, what i'm saying here is aiming to get much more 'bang for your buck': i.e. more weight loss with less effort... you like the sound of that??? hehe, me too!
2. relax back, but don't go crazy. For me, this involved still trying to keep up some exercise (30-45 mins a day should do it, even if its just incidental exercise or housework!), but relax back a bit and eat exactly WHAT you are craving, WHEN you are craving it, and STOP when you feel honestly and comfortably satisfied (under is just as bad as oversatisfied in this case!) - though try and make what you eat as wholesome and least processed as possible (i.e. Consider healthier alternatives to what you are craving, since your cravings are the BEST indication of what your body needs and what will shut your body's hunger and slowing metabolism up! e.g. full-fat banana milkshake vs chocolate, muesli with fruit and yoghurt vs icecream, coconut-milk-based-curry/rice or cheese/wholewheat-cracker vs hot chips, hot cross buns or raisin toast vs cake. - Though sometimes i need to do half and half: i.e. half milkshake, with half amt of chocolate! and that worked for me fine!). Remember that hunger is more than feeling full: your body is smart, and makes you feel hungry in other ways (dizziness, lethargy, constant thoughts of foods, cravings) if it is lacking in fats or proteins or vitamins or minerals (that is why it is so important to work out exactly what you are craving!!!). You may find you need to relax back for a week or two, but don't panic - as you will notice with each day that goes by you feel less hungry less often, and crave less and less of those foods with higher caloric content.
Most people (including me) get paranoid about doing this because they don't trust themselves not to go crazy. That is why it is important that you grab this in the very early stages of stage 4, because that will make it a whole lot easier! Breathe. Take breaks between snacks, whilst being honest with yourself as to how much you NEED (again, less can be as dangerous as more). Don't go for the thing with the lowest point/caloric value, when you are craving something else, as that will only make it worse! Don't trick your body, or it will trick you! Respect for your body's wishes will show your body respecting your wishes for weight loss. BUT if this is impossible, you don't have to go the whole 9 yards - At least try and increase your intake: If you are on points, that may mean eating ALL your point values for weight loss plus exercise points, or eating the amount for your height/weight by pretending you are on weight maintenance points. Because effectively, that is what we are aiming to do: tell your body you aren't starving, and tell it to halt gaining weight and halt losing weight for a bit.
If you aren't sure if you are really and honestly hungry, or really and honestly full. Then stop - and try the distraction technique (though be wary, as if you do the distraction technique when you are hungry, you may be even more (and dangerously) hungry when you come back. I usually get around that by getting something along the lines of what i think i need: cracker/cheese, apple, even cuppa tea etc. Then try distraction). This involves you leaving the kitchen, and doing something else entirely different - something which you do not associate with food at all (i find the www.youplay.com site works a treat, esp. when i think its boredom-related hunger) - for about 15-20 minutes. If, at the 20 minute mark, you find that you still have nagging hunger or cravings, or constant thoughts of food - then yes, you are probably hungry. Go get something to eat, and repeat the distraction technique if necessary until you can happily get on with your work without thinking about food.
If you are uneasy about doing the above (i can understand!) at least heed my advice of NOT further restricting yourself today or exercising like absolute mad in response to either weight gains or 'binges' --- as that will only make it worse, and you will reach stage 4 again very very soon.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: --- When i hit the stage 4 resistance a few weeks ago, i saw it coming and the red lights were flashing. That day, i actually ate ONE ENTIRE MEAL more than usual, which was definately more than my daily caloric allowance (i.e. for my height and weight) should allow. The next day, whilst i probably still ate more than my DCA (or BMR as they call it for Basal metabolic rate), it was less than the day before... and within a few days it was all back to normal, and i was eating the correct amount for someone who wants to maintain their weight, and craving lots of healthy and lower fat/sugar foods again - until saturday, when i woke up with lots of energy and motivation, and something told me i was ready for a new weight loss challenge.
Don't be frightened about a weight gain during this period (you may gain, you may not!). As i said above, I put on 1.5 kg during this maintenance period, but DID NOT GAIN A SINGLE CM. this 1.5kg will probably actually come on within 24 hours of starting maintenance, but don't be frightened by it - unless you drank 2 litres of pure olive oil, you could NOT have put that much weight on. 3/4 of it will be fluid, and the remainder 1/4 is likely to be a combi of gained muscle (yay!) and gained fat - and the longer you maintain, the more likely that that extra 1/4 will be all muscle! (that's one fabulous thing about the maintenance phase. Research indicates it is almost impossible to build muscle mass whilst losing weight. Think about it: your body is doing everything it can to prevent you losing weight, it would just be plain stupid to take energy from your fat and use it to build muscle! The maintenance period is a FANTASTIC opportunity to build up muscle mass, that will show your metabolism and fitness levels sky rocket! And provided your weight loss periods aren't massively drastic, then that muscle mass will stay there and boost your metabolism the whole time you are losing weight! Just make sure if you do do extra exercise during maintenance, that you eat plenty to compensate - otherwise you will technically still be in weight loss mode!).
WHY THIS WAY?
Why restriction/maintenance/restriction/maintenance???
This is the best way to lose weight, as new research is increasingly proving:
1) You will be many times more likely to keep the weight off for good,
2) it is easier and requires less motivation, as you are working WITH your body, rather than against it.
3) this method is just as fast as conventional methods: continually and slowly reducing your intake and increasing your exercise (i.e. for those lucky people who have the motivation to lose weight by not allowing your body to adapt to your weight loss, but by continually decreasing your food intake and exercising more - they are unfortunately rewarded with a slow weight loss, slower metabolism, and even less energy). This happens because despite being on maintenance for a while and not losing any weight - when you try to lose weight, it is the fast weight loss of someone who has just started a new diet for the first time!
MY RULES OF THUMB FOR COMBATTING STAGE 4
- Avoid artificial sweetners or MSG like the plague (actually make your stage 4 even stronger!),
- Use plenty of sunflower, olive and sesame oils (avoid transfats and oils such as canola, which damage your satiety centre in the brain that makes you feel full),
- white bread and pasta won't do as much as things like oats (natures wonderfood!!!), chickpeas (natures wonderfood #2), barley, brown and arborio rice, wholemeal pastas, rye/wholegrain bread. But in all honesty, if you don't like wholegrain breads (i ADORE them) then just eat the white ones! I don't eat plain white bread (can;t stand it), except for turkish or lebanese bread.
- Never ever ever EVER dismiss cheese, full-fat milk, coconut (research has proven that there is a chemical in coconut that is extremely effective at increasing satiety and turning off the starvation response), nuts, eggs, or oils as unhealthy - trying to include these as much as you can (i.e. without going overboard) in your everyday diet, especially whilst trying to lose weight, will keep that stage 4 away for as long as possible.
- Biggie: try and let at least 40% if your diet be vegetables and fruit. I do the 2 serves fruit, 5+ serves veg a day recommended by the govt.
Stage 4 is best combatted by you trying to find out what your individual feelings are when you are hungry, and when you are full (they can vary a lot from person to person!)
Hunger may be: thought of food, tiredness, waning motivation, depression, anxiety, lethargy, dizziness (I hallucinate!), that feeling that you need 'something more', physical rumbling stomach, bad breath (this one is a bad sign, as it is an indication that you are mostly burning muscle mass and protein, rather than fat!).
I find that i get quite a few of these - and i find each of them indicates something different about what i need:
When i hallucinate/feel dizzy, it's because i'm hypoglycaemic (low blood sugar) --> carbohydrates will fix this up. So a carrot or apple (their sugar hits your blood stream quick) is good, then have something with a more sustained sugar release (i.e. lower GI) e.g. oats, wholegrain cracker. When i'm craving 'something more' or having constant thoughts of food it's usually because i need to be eating more fat. When i'm have a rumbly stomach, that indicates gut emptiness - so i go for protein and veg. Of course, most meals you should be aiming to cover all of these four groups, so that most of the time you are feeling a combination of all of them or just gut emptiness.
And above all, use what you FEEL like eating as a guide over what to eat. If you want cheese, a carrot won't help!
So today is weight loss day 3! Weight loss day three has a big importance to me, actually, in my weight loss history. Because those days all so long ago (4 months!) when i used to serial diet and binge eat, day three was always the day when the diet would break! Sometimes it would be before day three, but it would never be after day three - so lets see, shall we? Lets see how long i go before the nagging hunger and dizziness sets in again...
Put up a post on the WW forum today, that i thought was a good representation of some of the stages I have noticed you go through when you are losing weight. Just thought maybe i should post it here. These stages are based on the current medical knowledge as to how the brain reacts to changes in weight, and since i know from personal experience, this is how it feels - i think this may be very much true... (does that sound terribly egocentric? i hope not!)
STAGES OF WEIGHT LOSS
When you first try to lose weight, it is mostly because you are overweight, which is mostly because you have been eating a bit more than you should be (sounds simple, and basic, but that part has to be clear!). When you do that, it actually makes your body try and prevent weight gain without you even having to do anything (though this can be easily overloaded, and that is when you DO put on weight). So when you first start restricting your intake & exercising more, you’re almost doing double weight loss - i.e. the amount of work you are doing, plus what your body is helping you achieve by increasing your metabolism. Gradually that would slow down, & your lossess will be largely from your efforts, until you almost start working against your body in losing weight. i.e. think of it in these stages:
Stage 1.
Body trying to lose weight (+energy,+metab,-hunger,++motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-food,+exercise)
= ++Loss
Stage 2.
Body stops trying to lose weight (normal nergy,Metab,Hunger,+motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-Food,+Exer)
= + loss
(here is often where lose 'fluid', though may have happened in Stage 1)
Stage 3.
Body starts worrying about losing weight (-Energy,-Metab,+Hunger,-motivation)
+ weight loss efforts (-Food,+Exercise)
= no or little change (plateau!)
Stage 4. [Danger! Danger!]
Body starts panicking (--Energy,--Metab,+++Hunger,---motivation)
+ weight loss efforts almost impossible because of body panicking (++Food,--Exercise)
= gain!
How to use these stages to your advantage...
The key is to avoid that stage 4. Unless you stop it, stage 4 will come eventually, no matter what speed you lose weight at, and stage 4 is 'binge mode': you eat everything and as hard as you try to analyse it, you can't work out why. However, the faster you lose, generally the faster you cycle through these 4 stages (and the sooner stage 4 will come), so you don't get the maximum benefit of actually working with your body to lose weight.
Hence: I think its vitally important to recognise stage 3, and the very very early onset of stage 4 (i wake up feeling odd on that 'day three') & not let it get to Stage 4 - do this by upping your caloric intake with wholesome foods (yes, carrots are wholesome - but they won't tell your body its not starving when all its craving is eggs, bread and cheese!), & keeping exercising (but not pushing yourself!) to maintain a stable weight for a week or two (i.e. make sure you aren't actively still trying to lose weight, but try not to gain either. This will actually boost your metabolism and energy levels so that you shouldn’t gain!) - then you will cycle back to s2 (though if you go a little bit overboard, fortunately you do tend to cycle through 1 as well! :p), & end up at s3 again.
These ideas are based on the principles of weight regulation in the human body. It's a "negative feedback system", similar to how your body controls your temperature (i.e. body temp increases --> body works to decrease it, and visa versa) - except here it's controlling (and also controlled BY) the amount of fat in your fat stores, the amount you are exercising (energy expenditure) and the amount you are eating (energy intake).
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT STAGE 4
Just in case some more clarity is needed about how to cycle from a stage 4 to a stage 2 (or, if your lucky, maybe even a stage 1!) - here's some advice.
1) don't push harder. If you push harder, then you will only continue oscillating between a stage 3 and 4 - very minimal weight losses, probably between binges that will put havoc on your metabolism and that WILL lead to weight gain. This is how rebound weight gain happens!!!! So don't restart the unhealthy cycle of decreasing metabolisms and increasing weight gains! So this means, don't eat even less, don't exercise even more to punish yourself or to compensate for a binge you may have had, or to try and 'jump' over a plateau. your body is smart, and you cannot trick it! Think about the basic weight loss principles: losing weight = calories out > calories in. BUT calories out is unfortunately determined by your body, and it can get mighty good at being very calorie-efficient and minimalising your weight loss, despite huge restrictions or exercise-efforts. So, what i'm saying here is aiming to get much more 'bang for your buck': i.e. more weight loss with less effort... you like the sound of that??? hehe, me too!
2. relax back, but don't go crazy. For me, this involved still trying to keep up some exercise (30-45 mins a day should do it, even if its just incidental exercise or housework!), but relax back a bit and eat exactly WHAT you are craving, WHEN you are craving it, and STOP when you feel honestly and comfortably satisfied (under is just as bad as oversatisfied in this case!) - though try and make what you eat as wholesome and least processed as possible (i.e. Consider healthier alternatives to what you are craving, since your cravings are the BEST indication of what your body needs and what will shut your body's hunger and slowing metabolism up! e.g. full-fat banana milkshake vs chocolate, muesli with fruit and yoghurt vs icecream, coconut-milk-based-curry/rice or cheese/wholewheat-cracker vs hot chips, hot cross buns or raisin toast vs cake. - Though sometimes i need to do half and half: i.e. half milkshake, with half amt of chocolate! and that worked for me fine!). Remember that hunger is more than feeling full: your body is smart, and makes you feel hungry in other ways (dizziness, lethargy, constant thoughts of foods, cravings) if it is lacking in fats or proteins or vitamins or minerals (that is why it is so important to work out exactly what you are craving!!!). You may find you need to relax back for a week or two, but don't panic - as you will notice with each day that goes by you feel less hungry less often, and crave less and less of those foods with higher caloric content.
Most people (including me) get paranoid about doing this because they don't trust themselves not to go crazy. That is why it is important that you grab this in the very early stages of stage 4, because that will make it a whole lot easier! Breathe. Take breaks between snacks, whilst being honest with yourself as to how much you NEED (again, less can be as dangerous as more). Don't go for the thing with the lowest point/caloric value, when you are craving something else, as that will only make it worse! Don't trick your body, or it will trick you! Respect for your body's wishes will show your body respecting your wishes for weight loss. BUT if this is impossible, you don't have to go the whole 9 yards - At least try and increase your intake: If you are on points, that may mean eating ALL your point values for weight loss plus exercise points, or eating the amount for your height/weight by pretending you are on weight maintenance points. Because effectively, that is what we are aiming to do: tell your body you aren't starving, and tell it to halt gaining weight and halt losing weight for a bit.
If you aren't sure if you are really and honestly hungry, or really and honestly full. Then stop - and try the distraction technique (though be wary, as if you do the distraction technique when you are hungry, you may be even more (and dangerously) hungry when you come back. I usually get around that by getting something along the lines of what i think i need: cracker/cheese, apple, even cuppa tea etc. Then try distraction). This involves you leaving the kitchen, and doing something else entirely different - something which you do not associate with food at all (i find the www.youplay.com site works a treat, esp. when i think its boredom-related hunger) - for about 15-20 minutes. If, at the 20 minute mark, you find that you still have nagging hunger or cravings, or constant thoughts of food - then yes, you are probably hungry. Go get something to eat, and repeat the distraction technique if necessary until you can happily get on with your work without thinking about food.
If you are uneasy about doing the above (i can understand!) at least heed my advice of NOT further restricting yourself today or exercising like absolute mad in response to either weight gains or 'binges' --- as that will only make it worse, and you will reach stage 4 again very very soon.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: --- When i hit the stage 4 resistance a few weeks ago, i saw it coming and the red lights were flashing. That day, i actually ate ONE ENTIRE MEAL more than usual, which was definately more than my daily caloric allowance (i.e. for my height and weight) should allow. The next day, whilst i probably still ate more than my DCA (or BMR as they call it for Basal metabolic rate), it was less than the day before... and within a few days it was all back to normal, and i was eating the correct amount for someone who wants to maintain their weight, and craving lots of healthy and lower fat/sugar foods again - until saturday, when i woke up with lots of energy and motivation, and something told me i was ready for a new weight loss challenge.
Don't be frightened about a weight gain during this period (you may gain, you may not!). As i said above, I put on 1.5 kg during this maintenance period, but DID NOT GAIN A SINGLE CM. this 1.5kg will probably actually come on within 24 hours of starting maintenance, but don't be frightened by it - unless you drank 2 litres of pure olive oil, you could NOT have put that much weight on. 3/4 of it will be fluid, and the remainder 1/4 is likely to be a combi of gained muscle (yay!) and gained fat - and the longer you maintain, the more likely that that extra 1/4 will be all muscle! (that's one fabulous thing about the maintenance phase. Research indicates it is almost impossible to build muscle mass whilst losing weight. Think about it: your body is doing everything it can to prevent you losing weight, it would just be plain stupid to take energy from your fat and use it to build muscle! The maintenance period is a FANTASTIC opportunity to build up muscle mass, that will show your metabolism and fitness levels sky rocket! And provided your weight loss periods aren't massively drastic, then that muscle mass will stay there and boost your metabolism the whole time you are losing weight! Just make sure if you do do extra exercise during maintenance, that you eat plenty to compensate - otherwise you will technically still be in weight loss mode!).
WHY THIS WAY?
Why restriction/maintenance/restriction/maintenance???
This is the best way to lose weight, as new research is increasingly proving:
1) You will be many times more likely to keep the weight off for good,
2) it is easier and requires less motivation, as you are working WITH your body, rather than against it.
3) this method is just as fast as conventional methods: continually and slowly reducing your intake and increasing your exercise (i.e. for those lucky people who have the motivation to lose weight by not allowing your body to adapt to your weight loss, but by continually decreasing your food intake and exercising more - they are unfortunately rewarded with a slow weight loss, slower metabolism, and even less energy). This happens because despite being on maintenance for a while and not losing any weight - when you try to lose weight, it is the fast weight loss of someone who has just started a new diet for the first time!
MY RULES OF THUMB FOR COMBATTING STAGE 4
- Avoid artificial sweetners or MSG like the plague (actually make your stage 4 even stronger!),
- Use plenty of sunflower, olive and sesame oils (avoid transfats and oils such as canola, which damage your satiety centre in the brain that makes you feel full),
- white bread and pasta won't do as much as things like oats (natures wonderfood!!!), chickpeas (natures wonderfood #2), barley, brown and arborio rice, wholemeal pastas, rye/wholegrain bread. But in all honesty, if you don't like wholegrain breads (i ADORE them) then just eat the white ones! I don't eat plain white bread (can;t stand it), except for turkish or lebanese bread.
- Never ever ever EVER dismiss cheese, full-fat milk, coconut (research has proven that there is a chemical in coconut that is extremely effective at increasing satiety and turning off the starvation response), nuts, eggs, or oils as unhealthy - trying to include these as much as you can (i.e. without going overboard) in your everyday diet, especially whilst trying to lose weight, will keep that stage 4 away for as long as possible.
- Biggie: try and let at least 40% if your diet be vegetables and fruit. I do the 2 serves fruit, 5+ serves veg a day recommended by the govt.
Stage 4 is best combatted by you trying to find out what your individual feelings are when you are hungry, and when you are full (they can vary a lot from person to person!)
Hunger may be: thought of food, tiredness, waning motivation, depression, anxiety, lethargy, dizziness (I hallucinate!), that feeling that you need 'something more', physical rumbling stomach, bad breath (this one is a bad sign, as it is an indication that you are mostly burning muscle mass and protein, rather than fat!).
I find that i get quite a few of these - and i find each of them indicates something different about what i need:
When i hallucinate/feel dizzy, it's because i'm hypoglycaemic (low blood sugar) --> carbohydrates will fix this up. So a carrot or apple (their sugar hits your blood stream quick) is good, then have something with a more sustained sugar release (i.e. lower GI) e.g. oats, wholegrain cracker. When i'm craving 'something more' or having constant thoughts of food it's usually because i need to be eating more fat. When i'm have a rumbly stomach, that indicates gut emptiness - so i go for protein and veg. Of course, most meals you should be aiming to cover all of these four groups, so that most of the time you are feeling a combination of all of them or just gut emptiness.
And above all, use what you FEEL like eating as a guide over what to eat. If you want cheese, a carrot won't help!
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Scales: a dieter's santa ('have you been good?") ... but what if santa is a fallacy?
Hi guys, just a quick note to say that i think i'm going to be avoiding posting for a bit... I've noticed i've been weighing myself everyday for the last while (I weighed myself twice today - i was still 70 in the morning but when i was changing into my gym clothes at 1pm, had jumped up to 71. So i'm not going to weigh until monday, so i know what i have to do. It's all about learning to trust your body to do the right thing, and not relying on the unreliable scales to tell you 'when you've been good') and have been totally focused on losing weight - i think the trick is to stop thinking about it (sigh) before i get obsessed again and can't have a normal relationship with food. The weight always seems to drop off when i'm not thinking about it...So i'm going to try and distract myself for the next week.
Will post up again next monday to let you all know how i'm going.
Love Nikki
Will post up again next monday to let you all know how i'm going.
Love Nikki
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Still chugging along...
Here's my post from this morning:
"Well, despite all my quibbles over the last few days about whether i had broken my famine reaction or not, and what was going on - today i woke up and felt ready to tackle those next 5 kilograms!!!
So here i go again... and if my starvation response kicks in in a few days, then i know i was mistaken and have to wait a bit longer... let's hope i don't as i'm keen to slim down nicely!"
Well the starvation response was still alive and kicking this afternoon, and i started to panic about having to cut down my food intake any more. I guess I need to stay on maintainence a bit longer.... DAMN! Just have to keep remembering that it's only going to be harder if i try to do it now. ANd i need to focus on eating what my body wants, and not what i know is a "diet" food - i confess that this morning that has been all that has been on my mind, trying to reduce my daily caloric intake to as low as possible - which we know is not the way unless i want to binge my way up to HIGHER than 80kg.
I've been thinking, though, this last month i have been eating nowhere near like how i was eating when i had my first 5kg loss at the beginning (80-75) when i was on 'maintenance' and my body stabilised back to the weight it should be. I guess i just need to go back to that, but its so tough to do...
Well, i'm going down to have my coffee and 2 bikkies that i've been holding back on having all day...!
Love Nikki
PS: just started on a the "couch to 5 kilometres" thingemy today (www.c25k.com) with the podcasts. Starting at week one, as you are supposed to, and actually finding it reasonably easy - i think probably because I could already run a bit. doing an interval alternation of 6.5km/hr and 12km/hr - and pushing myself to do 16km/hr for that last 60 second interval. For some reason at the 6th interval i started feeling really dizzy and ill - i think it was cos i was trying to get lots of oxygen into my lungs and might have ended up hyperventilating!!!! so i had to stop the podcast for 2 min and walk at 4km/hr to walk it off, then started again. Silly me!
PPS: what i am finding strange, however, is the fact that i'm holding complete abhorrence for the idea of having a croissant right now. I know that sounds strange - but If i'm having a starvation response thingemy, then shouldn't i technically be craving that sort of stuff? nevermind, i guess i can't hurt to hang maintaining until i'm sure...
"Well, despite all my quibbles over the last few days about whether i had broken my famine reaction or not, and what was going on - today i woke up and felt ready to tackle those next 5 kilograms!!!
So here i go again... and if my starvation response kicks in in a few days, then i know i was mistaken and have to wait a bit longer... let's hope i don't as i'm keen to slim down nicely!"
Well the starvation response was still alive and kicking this afternoon, and i started to panic about having to cut down my food intake any more. I guess I need to stay on maintainence a bit longer.... DAMN! Just have to keep remembering that it's only going to be harder if i try to do it now. ANd i need to focus on eating what my body wants, and not what i know is a "diet" food - i confess that this morning that has been all that has been on my mind, trying to reduce my daily caloric intake to as low as possible - which we know is not the way unless i want to binge my way up to HIGHER than 80kg.
I've been thinking, though, this last month i have been eating nowhere near like how i was eating when i had my first 5kg loss at the beginning (80-75) when i was on 'maintenance' and my body stabilised back to the weight it should be. I guess i just need to go back to that, but its so tough to do...
Well, i'm going down to have my coffee and 2 bikkies that i've been holding back on having all day...!
Love Nikki
PS: just started on a the "couch to 5 kilometres" thingemy today (www.c25k.com) with the podcasts. Starting at week one, as you are supposed to, and actually finding it reasonably easy - i think probably because I could already run a bit. doing an interval alternation of 6.5km/hr and 12km/hr - and pushing myself to do 16km/hr for that last 60 second interval. For some reason at the 6th interval i started feeling really dizzy and ill - i think it was cos i was trying to get lots of oxygen into my lungs and might have ended up hyperventilating!!!! so i had to stop the podcast for 2 min and walk at 4km/hr to walk it off, then started again. Silly me!
PPS: what i am finding strange, however, is the fact that i'm holding complete abhorrence for the idea of having a croissant right now. I know that sounds strange - but If i'm having a starvation response thingemy, then shouldn't i technically be craving that sort of stuff? nevermind, i guess i can't hurt to hang maintaining until i'm sure...
Saturday, February 23, 2008
My fluctuating weight
Haha... my blog post today sounds like an episode from Scrubs... gotta love that show.
Just thought i'd put up a slideshow of my journey, to remind me why i'm determined to knock this binge eating and famine reaction on the head...
Went out last night for dinner in the end to catch up with a friend. Started out with the healthy option - was craving seafood, so i had a delicious grilled octopus salad. But as the night went on, i knew i was still hungry. So we stopped by McDonalds and I had hot chips and one of those mini snack wrap thingemies. Goodness it tasted good! And perhaps tasted even better because 1) i didn't have the guilts about it, 2) i was actually hungry!
And since i went home and had a few more squares of chocolate with mum, i know i probably went a bit over the recommended caloric intake. But i don't care, because i know that my body will automatically regulate my hunger and desire for foods today to suit...! And sure enough - i had the best night's sleep in ages, because i didn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry. I never let myself eat in the middle of the night - because i've never done it, and i don't ever want to start, because that is probably the worst thing you can do to your body! Hahah, except that time last Easter when i must have been so ravenous that i ate my entire 200g lindt chocolate bunny in the middle of the night whilst still asleep!!!!! The chocolate stained wrappers smeared all over my pillow were a good indication as to who had eaten them... If anyone is reading this post, what's the weirdest thing you're body has ever done when it was starving?
I'm just waiting for my lunch to do down now so I can go for a walk. I'm getting that kind of "itchy" feeling in my legs, like they want to move.
I think i ate a bit too much at lunch. We had a Greek salad with olive-oil-and-garlic-toasted bread. I would have been fine if i hadn't finished with this cappucino...
Chocolate cravings seem to be all gone today. Must have given my body enough of the fatty/sugary goodness it needs to shutup about chocolate. So yay for that!
Take care,
Love Nikki
PM Update: Well, after lunch i was waiting for the energy to come to do some exercise (didn't do any yesterday)... and waiting... and waiting... and it still neglected to come! In the end i grabbed a snack, and waited an hour - the dizziness went away, but then did some pilates and was extremely tired. I HAVE to eat more... i'm really struggling doing it because of my paranoia of weight gain, but otherwise i'm not going to be able to try and lose weight again - or worse, i'll have a binge. No binges since Nov 2007, so lets try and keep it that way! Well, I was extremely grumpy in the hour or two preceding dinner after (unfortunately) FORCING myself to finish that pilates - but was happily rewarded with a huge bowl of steaming mussels/prawns/squid/fish in a lovely white wine and tomato broth with garlic aioli - and managed to beat down my fear of carbs, yet again, by having not one, not two, but three slices of bread! Didn't actually require much forcing, actually, as i was craving bread like mad - and it was fantastic with the garlic aioli. I actually reached a bit of a compromise with the aioli which worked really well. Still having a paranoia about olive oil (usu. make aioli with no oil!!!), so here is my delicious compromise.
Garlic Aioli: 1 clove garlic (crushed), 1 tsp salt, 1 egg yolk, 1 tsp dijon mustard - whipped with an egg beater. Slowly pour in about 30ml of olive oil whilst continuing whipping, and then juice of half a lemon. With a fork, whip in 3/4 cup fresh plain yoghurt and cracked black pepper to taste... ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!
Just thought i'd put up a slideshow of my journey, to remind me why i'm determined to knock this binge eating and famine reaction on the head...
Went out last night for dinner in the end to catch up with a friend. Started out with the healthy option - was craving seafood, so i had a delicious grilled octopus salad. But as the night went on, i knew i was still hungry. So we stopped by McDonalds and I had hot chips and one of those mini snack wrap thingemies. Goodness it tasted good! And perhaps tasted even better because 1) i didn't have the guilts about it, 2) i was actually hungry!
And since i went home and had a few more squares of chocolate with mum, i know i probably went a bit over the recommended caloric intake. But i don't care, because i know that my body will automatically regulate my hunger and desire for foods today to suit...! And sure enough - i had the best night's sleep in ages, because i didn't wake up in the middle of the night hungry. I never let myself eat in the middle of the night - because i've never done it, and i don't ever want to start, because that is probably the worst thing you can do to your body! Hahah, except that time last Easter when i must have been so ravenous that i ate my entire 200g lindt chocolate bunny in the middle of the night whilst still asleep!!!!! The chocolate stained wrappers smeared all over my pillow were a good indication as to who had eaten them... If anyone is reading this post, what's the weirdest thing you're body has ever done when it was starving?
I'm just waiting for my lunch to do down now so I can go for a walk. I'm getting that kind of "itchy" feeling in my legs, like they want to move.
I think i ate a bit too much at lunch. We had a Greek salad with olive-oil-and-garlic-toasted bread. I would have been fine if i hadn't finished with this cappucino...
Chocolate cravings seem to be all gone today. Must have given my body enough of the fatty/sugary goodness it needs to shutup about chocolate. So yay for that!
Take care,
Love Nikki
PM Update: Well, after lunch i was waiting for the energy to come to do some exercise (didn't do any yesterday)... and waiting... and waiting... and it still neglected to come! In the end i grabbed a snack, and waited an hour - the dizziness went away, but then did some pilates and was extremely tired. I HAVE to eat more... i'm really struggling doing it because of my paranoia of weight gain, but otherwise i'm not going to be able to try and lose weight again - or worse, i'll have a binge. No binges since Nov 2007, so lets try and keep it that way! Well, I was extremely grumpy in the hour or two preceding dinner after (unfortunately) FORCING myself to finish that pilates - but was happily rewarded with a huge bowl of steaming mussels/prawns/squid/fish in a lovely white wine and tomato broth with garlic aioli - and managed to beat down my fear of carbs, yet again, by having not one, not two, but three slices of bread! Didn't actually require much forcing, actually, as i was craving bread like mad - and it was fantastic with the garlic aioli. I actually reached a bit of a compromise with the aioli which worked really well. Still having a paranoia about olive oil (usu. make aioli with no oil!!!), so here is my delicious compromise.
Garlic Aioli: 1 clove garlic (crushed), 1 tsp salt, 1 egg yolk, 1 tsp dijon mustard - whipped with an egg beater. Slowly pour in about 30ml of olive oil whilst continuing whipping, and then juice of half a lemon. With a fork, whip in 3/4 cup fresh plain yoghurt and cracked black pepper to taste... ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Distraction from niggling thoughts of chocolate...
I've eaten a lot today. Not a lot lot. But a lot. More than usual. Maybe i should write it out:
- handful of muesli, milk and 1 pear
- 2 crackers with cheese, coffee, 2 chocolate biscuits
- 2 slices bread, 1/2 carrot, lettuce, 1 egg, mayonaise
- 1 v. small plum (sugar plum), handful grapes, 2 cracker with cottage cheese, gherkin
- 4 squares of chocolate
it's 6.23pm and i just ate the chocolate. My brain is niggling a bit, not as much as it has in the past before a binge - but it is the biggest temptation i have had so far. Have i really not eaten enough for the day???? Is my starvation response still not being hit on the head... *wails*... i can't eat anymore, unless i'm on a binge!!!! damn... i know this is bad of me, but i have to know if i can trust my instincts or not, otherwise i'm going to fall off the rails... i'm going to count up the calories for today...
Ok that was bad of me - but i'm at 5,200 kj - i'm supposed to have 7,600 for my height and weight, to not put on any weight. Which means that even if i didn't want to gain weight, i could still have fish and chips for dinner if i want to... awesome!!... this means that the principles i'm following are true - my body is actually doing a good job at calculating my needs! :) phew... i know that was naughty of me, but i was freaking out! i guess sometimes you just need that bit of validation to check you are doing the right thing.
and look at that - i've waited 15 minutes since i started this post and the niggling thoughts have gone... so the distraction technique does seem to work!
I guess, though, i do have to learn that if i'm still under in KJ today, not including allowances for my 30 minutes of incidental exercise, AND i ate more today than i usually do - then i'm probably not actually eating enough to maintain my weight, or stabilise it, which is going to make my job at losing weight all that much harder. This must be why it's taking me at least a month to feel the indication that i'm free to start dieting again... i.e. that morning when you wake up and have the motivation to run, dance, jump, and start that diet again - and watch your weight drop like someone who's never tried to lose weight before.
Well, bottoms up - Here's to eating more tomorrow!
- handful of muesli, milk and 1 pear
- 2 crackers with cheese, coffee, 2 chocolate biscuits
- 2 slices bread, 1/2 carrot, lettuce, 1 egg, mayonaise
- 1 v. small plum (sugar plum), handful grapes, 2 cracker with cottage cheese, gherkin
- 4 squares of chocolate
it's 6.23pm and i just ate the chocolate. My brain is niggling a bit, not as much as it has in the past before a binge - but it is the biggest temptation i have had so far. Have i really not eaten enough for the day???? Is my starvation response still not being hit on the head... *wails*... i can't eat anymore, unless i'm on a binge!!!! damn... i know this is bad of me, but i have to know if i can trust my instincts or not, otherwise i'm going to fall off the rails... i'm going to count up the calories for today...
Ok that was bad of me - but i'm at 5,200 kj - i'm supposed to have 7,600 for my height and weight, to not put on any weight. Which means that even if i didn't want to gain weight, i could still have fish and chips for dinner if i want to... awesome!!... this means that the principles i'm following are true - my body is actually doing a good job at calculating my needs! :) phew... i know that was naughty of me, but i was freaking out! i guess sometimes you just need that bit of validation to check you are doing the right thing.
and look at that - i've waited 15 minutes since i started this post and the niggling thoughts have gone... so the distraction technique does seem to work!
I guess, though, i do have to learn that if i'm still under in KJ today, not including allowances for my 30 minutes of incidental exercise, AND i ate more today than i usually do - then i'm probably not actually eating enough to maintain my weight, or stabilise it, which is going to make my job at losing weight all that much harder. This must be why it's taking me at least a month to feel the indication that i'm free to start dieting again... i.e. that morning when you wake up and have the motivation to run, dance, jump, and start that diet again - and watch your weight drop like someone who's never tried to lose weight before.
Well, bottoms up - Here's to eating more tomorrow!
Progress: from "Yikes!" to "Yum!"
I remember a few nights ago I asked mum what she was making for dinner. Turns out it was lamb roast, but do you know what was awesome that happened next? Rather than thinking "oh goodness, this is the end, i'm going to blow my diet" i thought "oooh yum". Whilst that may sound like a strange thing to be excited about, let me explain a bit about me in the past: when i was on diets, i used to freak out about the prospect of eating something greasy, even if it was just lamb roast - anything that wasn't 'low kilojoule' used to scare me like nothing on earth, because i didn't want to break my diet and i believe that eating it would make me. On the opposite end, when i wasn't on a diet and was in my 'eat everything in sight' mode because 'i don't care anymore', i still wouldn't have got excited about lamb roast. Because eating held no pleasure for me (despite doing plenty of it) and frankly i'd already eaten everything else in the world already so i didn't really care about what i was eating next, or what it tasted like.
How strange to be on such huge extremes!
Another "Yikes to Yum" moment has happened recently. Mum couldn't get skim milk from the shops - so i had to use full fat for my coffee and for my cereal, and i just went "meh" and happily used it without a second thought. Usually that would be a flip out moment and i would just not have cereal, or not have coffee - or eat the cereal dry! - and then freak out that i couldn't have my coffee (despite loving drinking coffee, i've unfortunately long considered it a 'diet food' when done using skim milk) which kept me going through the day (replacing blood sugar with caffeine is never a good idea! No wonder i had anxiety issues...). Hehe, i had two chocolate chip bikkies this morning with my coffee... full fat of course... the idea of low fat biscuits astounds me - better to have the fat since that will keep you full for longer and help you eat less of them ( i used to hear that and think - yeah, but that only works if you don't just end up eating lots of the full fat biscuits. but oddly enough i've very easily stopped at two...).
I think that despite considering myself on maintenance, i'm still not actually eating enough!!! I had breakfast at 9.45 this morning (a generous bowl of homemade muesli, a pear and fullfat milk) - then at 11 am i was really hungry again, and had to eat some cheese with vitabite crackers (farmland rock salt vitabite crackers are possibly the most delicious thing i have ever eaten...!) to get rid of it before i did something stupid. And then i had my coffee and two bikkies, so i'm feeling very nicely content right now... :) but anyway - another thing that's making me realise i may not be eating enough was the fact that (sorry, i couldn't resist weighing myself again today! But it has been a week... it was just after having those few not-so-healthy days that i got paranoid!) when i weighed myself i was actually a little bit below 70 kilograms. To be totally honest, when you go on 'maintenance' mode to stabilise your weight, you will tend to put on a little bit of weight (maybe 500g max) - but that is mainly because when you lose weight, you lose a lot of fluid and glycogen from your muscles. When you eat enough again, then your body has the ability to replenish those glycogen stores (which is a good thing, because that means that you get your energy to move again!). But anyway - what that basically means is that i've probably continued to lose weight. Which is a good thing, but also a bad thing as i don't want to encounter another famine reaction quickly when i try to lose that next 5 kilograms! But i guess it's still nice that i'm managing to eat a lot of what i want and still lose weight... and i know i still have plenty of energy in my muscles as last night i had plenty of energy to run for 15 minutes on the treadmill (please don't make the mistake of thinking i'm uber fit or do a lot of exercise - that was a huge achievement for me, and it was reasonably easy! Every day i make sure i do 30 minutes of incidental exercise - and on days where i want to and have the energy to, i go for a walk/pilates/treadmill - which is usually only 2 days a week for about half an hour too!), and i'm writing a report at the moment for my thesis - so i spend the entire day sitting on my tuff in my chair!
I think i'll know if i'm still having a famine reaction if i'm very hungry in another 2 hours, because i know from my past calorie-counting habits and from my medical knowledge of fat, protein and fibre metabolism, that what i just ate should technically keep me full for a few hours at least. If i am - then i guess i need to eat more... but i don't know if i can do that!!! I'm already eating everything i want... How strange does that sound, that i'm actually having to force myself to eat more in order to lose weight??
Love Nikki
PM Update: was hungry at 2pm, and had a huge sandwich. I ate the sandwich and was about to finish off on a carrot in the salad. I got halfway and found i just couldn't eat anymore. i feel satisfied now, though a little more satisfied than i'm comfortable with. Mental note for a great sandwich: toast 2 slices of thick multigrain or rye bread and then rub with garlic, spread mayonnaise lightly on either side of bread. Add grated carrot on one side, lettuce on the other, and place a fried egg (i dry fry in non-stick pan) upside down on carrot so that the yolk runs into the carrot. Sprinkle with salt and a few slices of onion. Squish together, mopping up the yummy molten yolk on the plate with dry bits of bread... FANTASTIC!
How strange to be on such huge extremes!
Another "Yikes to Yum" moment has happened recently. Mum couldn't get skim milk from the shops - so i had to use full fat for my coffee and for my cereal, and i just went "meh" and happily used it without a second thought. Usually that would be a flip out moment and i would just not have cereal, or not have coffee - or eat the cereal dry! - and then freak out that i couldn't have my coffee (despite loving drinking coffee, i've unfortunately long considered it a 'diet food' when done using skim milk) which kept me going through the day (replacing blood sugar with caffeine is never a good idea! No wonder i had anxiety issues...). Hehe, i had two chocolate chip bikkies this morning with my coffee... full fat of course... the idea of low fat biscuits astounds me - better to have the fat since that will keep you full for longer and help you eat less of them ( i used to hear that and think - yeah, but that only works if you don't just end up eating lots of the full fat biscuits. but oddly enough i've very easily stopped at two...).
I think that despite considering myself on maintenance, i'm still not actually eating enough!!! I had breakfast at 9.45 this morning (a generous bowl of homemade muesli, a pear and fullfat milk) - then at 11 am i was really hungry again, and had to eat some cheese with vitabite crackers (farmland rock salt vitabite crackers are possibly the most delicious thing i have ever eaten...!) to get rid of it before i did something stupid. And then i had my coffee and two bikkies, so i'm feeling very nicely content right now... :) but anyway - another thing that's making me realise i may not be eating enough was the fact that (sorry, i couldn't resist weighing myself again today! But it has been a week... it was just after having those few not-so-healthy days that i got paranoid!) when i weighed myself i was actually a little bit below 70 kilograms. To be totally honest, when you go on 'maintenance' mode to stabilise your weight, you will tend to put on a little bit of weight (maybe 500g max) - but that is mainly because when you lose weight, you lose a lot of fluid and glycogen from your muscles. When you eat enough again, then your body has the ability to replenish those glycogen stores (which is a good thing, because that means that you get your energy to move again!). But anyway - what that basically means is that i've probably continued to lose weight. Which is a good thing, but also a bad thing as i don't want to encounter another famine reaction quickly when i try to lose that next 5 kilograms! But i guess it's still nice that i'm managing to eat a lot of what i want and still lose weight... and i know i still have plenty of energy in my muscles as last night i had plenty of energy to run for 15 minutes on the treadmill (please don't make the mistake of thinking i'm uber fit or do a lot of exercise - that was a huge achievement for me, and it was reasonably easy! Every day i make sure i do 30 minutes of incidental exercise - and on days where i want to and have the energy to, i go for a walk/pilates/treadmill - which is usually only 2 days a week for about half an hour too!), and i'm writing a report at the moment for my thesis - so i spend the entire day sitting on my tuff in my chair!
I think i'll know if i'm still having a famine reaction if i'm very hungry in another 2 hours, because i know from my past calorie-counting habits and from my medical knowledge of fat, protein and fibre metabolism, that what i just ate should technically keep me full for a few hours at least. If i am - then i guess i need to eat more... but i don't know if i can do that!!! I'm already eating everything i want... How strange does that sound, that i'm actually having to force myself to eat more in order to lose weight??
Love Nikki
PM Update: was hungry at 2pm, and had a huge sandwich. I ate the sandwich and was about to finish off on a carrot in the salad. I got halfway and found i just couldn't eat anymore. i feel satisfied now, though a little more satisfied than i'm comfortable with. Mental note for a great sandwich: toast 2 slices of thick multigrain or rye bread and then rub with garlic, spread mayonnaise lightly on either side of bread. Add grated carrot on one side, lettuce on the other, and place a fried egg (i dry fry in non-stick pan) upside down on carrot so that the yolk runs into the carrot. Sprinkle with salt and a few slices of onion. Squish together, mopping up the yummy molten yolk on the plate with dry bits of bread... FANTASTIC!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Lesson of the day: Be honest with yourself
Hi all - bit of an update.
I broke up with a long term boyfriend last last monday - so i had expected that this would have been a time for me to get depressed and eat lots and get fat. But actually, since my decision a few months ago - it was a lot easier to continue eating normally, and go out and see friends (almost every night this week, for the last 2 weeks!)
Well i went out again last night. Had pizza AGAIN. And my old dieting nerves started to jitter a bit - the ones that say, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it. But I was quite hungry, so that made me feel better, and i ate two small pieces and felt stuffed. and then couldn't think about food again for the rest of the night and was happily sprawled on the floor (at a friend's house!) having shits and giggles with my uni mates.
Anyway, i woke up this morning feeling a bit strange. I can't describe it - but i think i'm feeling a slight paranoia about the whole: "eating when you are hungry, and stopping when you are full thing, and exactly what you are craving". BEcause whilst i've been doing that, compared to my normal eating habits - the foods haven't been that healthy. I mean, sure enough - none of the pizza's i've eaten were domino's (they were all home made - but the ones last night weren't dressed with tomato paste, but a delicious olive oil/chilli/salt blend, so oilier than i'm used to). And i guess i have't gorged on chocolate or chips or biscuits or anything of the sort (i've eaten them, but never wanted more than a few bits - really really bizarre for me... very very proud :) ). I guess i'm still getting paranoid about eating too highly processed foods in case that won't help tell my body to get out of starvation mode and make me still pile on the pounds. Maybe it's just because i don't feel like I've had enough vegetables over the last bit... but i guess we can only find out how this works with time - if i've gone over 70 kilograms by next week, then obviously i went a bit overboard on the processed food. But in all honesty, when i look at what i've eaten - i think i'll be okay.
SIgh i feel so relieved having said all that - writing it down makes it look so much more logical.
oooh! PS: I just was craving chocolate, and i broke off some for mum and i. I was going to only have 2 squares - but then i thought, nah i actually do want more than that - so i took four. We put the chocolate away, and i walked away. By the time i got to my room, it was obviously gone. But in all frank and open honesty... i didn't want more! I knew if i had only had two - that that wouldn't have satisfied me. But four squares isn't much more - and i was entirely honest with myself, and knew that giving myself those two bits extra that would make me forget about it, rather than going down in 20 minutes and eating the block. Now THAT is how to stop a chocolate binge before it comes in. :)
take care all,
Love Nikki
I broke up with a long term boyfriend last last monday - so i had expected that this would have been a time for me to get depressed and eat lots and get fat. But actually, since my decision a few months ago - it was a lot easier to continue eating normally, and go out and see friends (almost every night this week, for the last 2 weeks!)
Well i went out again last night. Had pizza AGAIN. And my old dieting nerves started to jitter a bit - the ones that say, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it, you shouldn't do it. But I was quite hungry, so that made me feel better, and i ate two small pieces and felt stuffed. and then couldn't think about food again for the rest of the night and was happily sprawled on the floor (at a friend's house!) having shits and giggles with my uni mates.
Anyway, i woke up this morning feeling a bit strange. I can't describe it - but i think i'm feeling a slight paranoia about the whole: "eating when you are hungry, and stopping when you are full thing, and exactly what you are craving". BEcause whilst i've been doing that, compared to my normal eating habits - the foods haven't been that healthy. I mean, sure enough - none of the pizza's i've eaten were domino's (they were all home made - but the ones last night weren't dressed with tomato paste, but a delicious olive oil/chilli/salt blend, so oilier than i'm used to). And i guess i have't gorged on chocolate or chips or biscuits or anything of the sort (i've eaten them, but never wanted more than a few bits - really really bizarre for me... very very proud :) ). I guess i'm still getting paranoid about eating too highly processed foods in case that won't help tell my body to get out of starvation mode and make me still pile on the pounds. Maybe it's just because i don't feel like I've had enough vegetables over the last bit... but i guess we can only find out how this works with time - if i've gone over 70 kilograms by next week, then obviously i went a bit overboard on the processed food. But in all honesty, when i look at what i've eaten - i think i'll be okay.
SIgh i feel so relieved having said all that - writing it down makes it look so much more logical.
oooh! PS: I just was craving chocolate, and i broke off some for mum and i. I was going to only have 2 squares - but then i thought, nah i actually do want more than that - so i took four. We put the chocolate away, and i walked away. By the time i got to my room, it was obviously gone. But in all frank and open honesty... i didn't want more! I knew if i had only had two - that that wouldn't have satisfied me. But four squares isn't much more - and i was entirely honest with myself, and knew that giving myself those two bits extra that would make me forget about it, rather than going down in 20 minutes and eating the block. Now THAT is how to stop a chocolate binge before it comes in. :)
take care all,
Love Nikki
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Day One: About Me
Well, it's not really day one. About two months ago was when i made the choice to say goodbye to binge eating and took a leap of faith. I knew i was binge eating because i wasn't eating enough on a regular basis, but taking that step of eating more when all i wanted to do was diet - was the hardest thing i have ever done.
Two months in, and a collegue says: "hey, have you lost weight?"
Sure enough when i got home i weighed myself and i had lost 5 kilograms! The ravenous uncontrollable hunger was gone, and i was feeling good. I had achieved this all by eating what i wanted, when i wanted it, and stopping when i was full.
AFter that 5 kilograms - i was keen for more, so i lost another 5 kilograms by starting another diet again. But because i had had that break before, the ravenous hunger didn't set in - at least not until recently.
So about 2 weeks ago, i took the second most difficult step of my life - i stopped dieting again, and started eating what i want again. At first it was hard, and i found i was still restricting - but recently i've been eating things i would have called "unhealthy": roast lamb, grilled bacon and poached eggs, toast with honey - etc etc etc - all things that i ignored when on a diet because i was afraid my weight would balloon.
It's been two weeks, and I'm still on 70 kilograms! The hunger is almost gone, but i still think i need more time on weight maintenance before i tackle weight loss again. I'm not ready to lose weight again just yet! Well, mentally i am - but physically i know my body needs time. And i'm strong in this resolve because i know that by doing this, i'm reducing the chance of ever going over 70 kilograms again!
Well, wish me luck, and wish me strength!
As always - if you have an questions about how to achieve this, feel free to comment or send me an email. I'm passionately devoted to helping anyone achieve a healthy relationship with food again, and avoid those starvation/binge periods that are destroying your body.
Love Nikki
Two months in, and a collegue says: "hey, have you lost weight?"
Sure enough when i got home i weighed myself and i had lost 5 kilograms! The ravenous uncontrollable hunger was gone, and i was feeling good. I had achieved this all by eating what i wanted, when i wanted it, and stopping when i was full.
AFter that 5 kilograms - i was keen for more, so i lost another 5 kilograms by starting another diet again. But because i had had that break before, the ravenous hunger didn't set in - at least not until recently.
So about 2 weeks ago, i took the second most difficult step of my life - i stopped dieting again, and started eating what i want again. At first it was hard, and i found i was still restricting - but recently i've been eating things i would have called "unhealthy": roast lamb, grilled bacon and poached eggs, toast with honey - etc etc etc - all things that i ignored when on a diet because i was afraid my weight would balloon.
It's been two weeks, and I'm still on 70 kilograms! The hunger is almost gone, but i still think i need more time on weight maintenance before i tackle weight loss again. I'm not ready to lose weight again just yet! Well, mentally i am - but physically i know my body needs time. And i'm strong in this resolve because i know that by doing this, i'm reducing the chance of ever going over 70 kilograms again!
Well, wish me luck, and wish me strength!
As always - if you have an questions about how to achieve this, feel free to comment or send me an email. I'm passionately devoted to helping anyone achieve a healthy relationship with food again, and avoid those starvation/binge periods that are destroying your body.
Love Nikki
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